Military Sexual Trauma and Letting Go of Repressed Pain: Ron Carter (Part 2) | The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith
Military Sexual Trauma survivor Ron Carter appears on The Silenced Voices of MST to share the experiences that shaped his early service, the assault he endured, and the long-term effects that developed when the trauma went unrecognized. This interview begins a three-part series that follows his path from enlistment through MST, behavioral collapse, and his eventual understanding of PTSD outside of combat contexts. His story offers clear insight into how MST develops within military structures and how untreated trauma influences thinking, memory, relationships, and emotional regulation over decades.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter discusses Military Sexual Trauma, finding benefit in doing intensive therapy and somatic release to come to terms with what he survived while serving on The Silenced Voices of MST.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter continues his story on The Silenced Voices of MST. In Part 1, Ron shared his experience of assault and decades of undiagnosed PTSD. In Part 2, he shares a possible reason for the outcome of filing his disability claim with uncharacteristic ease that validated his trauma and raised more questions, reaching his breaking point at an annual VA appointment, and his experiences through therapy and alternative treatments. Ron shares many profound insights going from crisis to acceptance, the role of persistence in navigating, and what is possible when survivors finally find therapies that work.
Military Sexual Trauma survivor Ron Carter appears on The Silenced Voices of MST in Part 2 of his 3-part series to recount what it was like finally seeking help after trying to live his life without acknowledging or understanding the severity of his assault while serving in the Army. An unexplained breakdown and an understanding VA staff led to him remembering the trauma he’d repressed for 35 years, and as soon as he could, he began treatment for PTSD and other mental illnesses that had resulted. He shares the methods of therapy he used to begin healing, including a detailed account of how Psilocybin therapy offered him somatic release from the trauma that remained trapped in his body. He and Rachelle discuss how predators and perpetrators can be held accountable, as well as their hopes for future generations having safety without people who commit crimes and harm having many places to hide. This episode provides invaluable insights into the importance of having support, numerous methods of therapy to choose from, and acknowledges that the military needs to do something in order to protect the men and women called to serve the country.
Dealing with the VA Disability Claims Process
Ron initially avoided anything connected to his military service. Years of suppressing his trauma led to a disconnect from the experiences that shaped his post-military life. He describes burying the assault so deeply that he convinced himself it never happened, or at least that it didn't matter anymore. This avoidance extended to the VA system itself. Ron resisted engaging with the VA because the military had already failed him once, and he questioned why the VA would be any different.
Despite his resistance, Ron eventually filed for PTSD disability. The approval came quickly. The VA granted him a 70% rating, but Ron was surprised about how easy it was to get to 100% with the help of a lawyer. The unexpected ease of the approval process raised questions about his perpetrator. Had the platoon sergeant harmed more people the same way? Without answers, Ron recalls that at times, he still feels rage resurface about that day. But he is also unsure that he would want that information, because he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to keep himself from doing anything about it.
Expressing deep concern for the future service members in the Armed Forces, he points out that he is oddly glad that if an assault were to happen to him at any point in his life, he was grateful that it was while serving in the military. Now, there are multitudes of resources and help available when someone understands what happened to them. The veterans’ benefits helped him and his family, while he realizes that civilians don’t usually have the same access to care. He calls this a silver lining.
But he does want the next generations to not be a part of the current epidemic of military sexual trauma. He shares the numbers of people affected and suicides each year, and the infuriation of this continuing to happen consistently to the young people who are choosing to serve.
The Exhaustion that Led to Confronting the Past (Trigger Warning)
Trigger Warning: This section contains discussion of mental health crisis.
Even with the disability rating, he spent years holding everything in, feeling as though he was the only person this had ever happened to. Then came the breaking point at an annual appointment at the VA.
"I went to talk and I couldn't talk. I started crying uncontrollably." Ron explains. The trigger for the breakdown?
The Physicians Assistant asked, “Hey Ron, how are you?”
“I can’t live like this anymore. I’m tired of
fighting.”
All those years of suppressing his trauma, and suddenly he couldn't do it anymore. He describes sitting in that VA office, confronting suicidal thoughts he'd been pushing away for decades. He was exhausted from hypervigilance and not understanding what was happening inside his body and mind. When the PA called a Psychiatrist down, he wasn’t able to speak to her either. It took quite a while for him to calm down enough to say, “I can’t live like this anymore. I’m tired of fighting.”
Ron's sudden outburst was the culmination of years of isolation that nearly cost him his life during ongoing battles with suicidal ideation. The breakdown forced him to acknowledge that he could no longer survive by burying his pain. He needed help, and he needed it immediately. This crisis became the turning point that led him toward therapy, treatment, and eventually healing.
Remembering His Assault: Rediscovering Buried Memories
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter discusses Military Sexual Trauma, finding benefit in doing intensive therapy and somatic release to come to terms with what he survived while serving on The Silenced Voices of MST.
The psychiatrist that Ron spoke to listened to what Ron had been struggling with for decades, and identified severe depression and PTSD . He responded that he couldn’t have PTSD, because he hadn’t been in combat. The therapist told him to think about it to see if he could remember and assured him that it could be caused by more than combat.
In the interview, he says that he had forgotten what had happened, but memories of the assault began to surface after a few days of ruminating. Shocked, he had to gather his courage and return to the psychiatrist, saying flatly what happened through another crying jag. The doctor didn’t judge, and immediately got Ron into treatment and resources to begin the work of healing.
He didn't have the language or framework to understand what he was experiencing. Not realizing he had PTSD for decades meant also understanding it was real and damaging.
This process is common among trauma survivors. The brain protects us by suppressing memories too painful to process, but they don’t disappear completely. They continue to live in our bodies, affecting our relationships, our mental health, and our ability to function. Therapy gave Ron permission to remember. More importantly, it gave him tools to process without being destroyed.
Embracing Therapy and Psilocybin Treatment
Ron tried multiple therapeutic approaches, including Cognitive Based Therapy and Written Talk Therapy and Written therapy helped, but it was a psilocybin treatment that created a breakthrough. He made serious progress identifying the experiences that harmed him, but still felt as though the trauma was trapped in his body for decades.
"I had a conversation with God," Ron explains. “It’s weird to talk about because I’ve not met a person yet who’s done it that can do it any justice with words."
Ron acknowledges that healing is a uniquely personal journey for everyone. What works for one person may not work for another, but the key is remaining open to different approaches and being willing to try new methods when traditional therapy plateaus.
Written therapy allowed Ron to express thoughts he couldn't speak aloud, and psilocybin allowed him to access emotions he couldn't reach otherwise. He describes the experience as finally being able to release pain he didn't even know he was carrying, by seeing that all humans are connected and loved. The biggest lesson he took away from the hero dose session: I’m always loved, and I will always be loved.
Ron's Advocacy Mission
"Why would we go through these things if we can’t turn it into something that’s positive?" he asks, then emphasizes, "I want to help people, young men and women."
Ron now focuses on raising awareness about MST and supporting other survivors. His mission is clear: prevent the next generation of service members from experiencing the same trauma. Being silent for decades was survival in a system that punishes vulnerability. Talking openly on social media about his experience so others don't have to suffer in isolation, which results in receiving messages from people encouraged by his vulnerability to seek help.
Frequently Asked Questions about Military Sexual Trauma and Male Survivors
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About 1 in 50 male veterans report military sexual trauma (VA National Center for PTSD), but studies using anonymous survey methodology found rates as high as 12.4% (Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 2011). The gap between reported and actual incidents reveals massive underreporting. Because of the higher ratio of men to women in the military, the raw numbers of men and women who experience MST are comparable, challenging the misconception that MST primarily affects women.
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About 90% of men in the military did not report a sexual assault they experienced in 2021 (DAV). Overall, it's estimated that 77% of service member sexual assaults go unreported. Male survivors often worry that others will perceive the assault as weakness, femininity, or homosexual orientation. These cultural barriers, combined with fear of retaliation and career damage, make it especially difficult for male survivors to come forward.
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MST survivors are 7.25 times more likely to be diagnosed with PTSD than those who did not experience sexual trauma (Columbia Social Work Review). The severity of PTSD from MST is extreme. This is because MST involves betrayal by trusted colleagues within a system meant to provide safety, creating compounded trauma that requires specialized treatment.
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From 2011 to 2021, the total number of MST claims filed by men increased by more than 119%. The number of claims granted by the VA grew from 27.8% in 2011 to 68.5% in 2021 (VA Claims Insider). This shows significant progress, though it also reveals how many survivors had to fight for recognition and validation of their trauma.
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Roughly 17 veterans die by suicide each day (VA Mental Health), and military sexual trauma puts veterans at significantly higher risk. MST survivors face compounded trauma that requires specialized support. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the Veterans Crisis Line at 988, then press 1.
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Recent studies show that 60% of veterans with severe treatment-resistant depression who received psilocybin treatment met response criteria at three weeks. The VA announced funding for MDMA and psilocybin-assisted therapy studies in 2024, marking the first time since the 1960s that the VA has funded research on psychedelic compounds. Nine VA facilities are now participating in these studies.
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No. You don't need a service-connected disability rating or other VA benefits to receive MST-related care. Every VA facility has an MST coordinator available to help survivors access treatment and support. Call your local VA or visit www.va.gov to connect with an MST coordinator.
Episode Trigger Warnings and Timestamps
00:00 VA Disability Claim and Possible Patterns of Abuse
Triggering content 2:57 - 4:38 (suicide + MST statistics)
06:28 Breaking Down at the VA and Confronting Buried Trauma
Triggering content 6:51 - 10:59 (Suicidal ideations, breakdown, remembering his repressed trauma)
11:08 Ron’s Beginning Different Modalities of Therapy
14:20 Ron’s Conversation with God
19:48 The Relationship Between Technology, Connection, and Accountability
23:30 Preview of Part 3 of Ron’s Story
Resources from this Episode
Resources for Survivors
If you or someone you know is struggling with military sexual trauma, resources are available. For additional support navigating VA claims, download our free VA Disability Toolkit.
VA MST Support: Every VA facility has an MST coordinator. You don't need a service-connected disability rating or other VA benefits to receive MST-related care. Call your local VA or visit www.va.gov to connect with an MST coordinator.
Veterans Crisis Line: Call 988, then press 1. Available 24/7 for veterans in crisis. You can also text 838255 or chat online at VeteransCrisisLine.net.
Military OneSource: Offers confidential counseling and support for active-duty service members and their families. Call 800-342-9647 or visit MilitaryOneSource.mil
The Advocates of MST: By joining The Advocates, you add to a powerful collective voice that demands attention and action. Connect with others who understand your experiences and are committed to supporting each other. Find support at https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadvocatesofmst
Watch or Listen to Ron's Full Story
You can hear Part 2 of my interview with Ron Carter on The Silenced Voices of MST podcast available on all major podcast platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. We dive deeper into his experience with the VA, his therapeutic journey, and his current advocacy work. If you haven't already, listen to Part 1 of Ron's story where he shares his assault experience and the years of undiagnosed PTSD that followed.
Healing is the end goal of military sexual trauma. You’re not alone, and you can explore more survivor stories and resources on our blog.
About the Guest
Ron Carter is a former Army infantryman turned MST advocate. After surviving a premeditated and devastating assault while on active duty, he committed himself to supporting others who have been affected. Through speaking engagements and community work, Ron pushes for better resources and policy change and uses his platform to amplify survivor voices.
About the Host
Rachelle Smith is the host of The Silenced Voices of MST and a survivor of military sexual trauma. She served as a Public Affairs Officer in the Air Force after growing up in a military family. Her experience with MST and the years spent struggling with PTSD and depression gave her a unique understanding of what survivors face.
This podcast exists because she knew firsthand how isolating MST can be. Since launching The Silenced Voices of MST in 2023, she’s interviewed dozens of survivors, advocates, and experts. Her mission is to empower survivors by providing a space to amplify survivor stories and demand change.
Help Keep This Podcast Going
I've been funding this podcast entirely on my own since 2023, and it hasn’t been easy. If this work has helped you or someone you care about, please consider supporting it with a monthly donation. Even $10 a month makes a real difference in covering hosting, editing, and production costs.
Military Sexual Trauma and The Monster Inside of Me: Ron Carter (Part 1) | The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith
Military Sexual Trauma survivor Ron Carter appears on The Silenced Voices of MST to share the experiences that shaped his early service, the assault he endured, and the long-term effects that developed when the trauma went unrecognized. This interview begins a three-part series that follows his path from enlistment through MST, behavioral collapse, and his eventual understanding of PTSD outside of combat contexts. His story offers clear insight into how MST develops within military structures and how untreated trauma influences thinking, memory, relationships, and emotional regulation over decades.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter discusses Military Sexual Trauma, suffering from repressed pain, and survival on The Silenced Voices of MST.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter brings his story of Military Sexual Trauma to The Silenced Voices of MST. As the author of The Monster Inside of Me, Ron details his experience of assault, the devastating toll of silence, and the heavy price of betrayal within the system.
Ron Carter appears on The Silenced Voices of MST to share the experiences that shaped his early service, the assault he endured, and the long-term effects that developed when the trauma went unrecognized. This interview begins a three-part series that follows his path from enlistment through MST, behavioral collapse, and his eventual understanding of PTSD outside of combat contexts. His account offers clear insight into how MST develops within military structures and how untreated trauma influences thinking, memory, relationships, and emotional regulation over decades.
His Path to The Army
Ron grew up in a small town in Oregon where financial constraints made college unrealistic. He chose the Army at seventeen and entered the delayed entry program with his best friend, believing service would provide structure, stability, and a clear direction for becoming a mature adult.
Basic training introduced him to disciplined routines, intense physical demands, cultural diversity, and a level of pressure he had not experienced before. Although he passed out on his first day due to the heat, he recovered and progressed with strong performance. By excelling in physical training, Ron gained respect with some drill sergeants, and completed airborne school after graduating. These accomplishments were steps toward a promising military career.
When Ron and his friend received their orders they expected to serve together but were separated on arrival in Germany. This unexpected change intensified Ron’s sense of isolation. The unfamiliar environment, distance from home, and sudden loss of his support system made the adjustment difficult.
What Led to His Assault (Trigger Warning)
“As parents, we’re trusting our children to the United States of America. That should really mean something.”
Being stationed in Germany introduced Ron to culture shock and his first real experience of distance from home at 19 years old. He enjoyed the physical demands of fieldwork but disliked the constant emphasis on garrison expectations. During this period, he noticed hostile behavior from a higher ranking soldier in a different platoon, although he did not understand the cause.
The situation escalated when the platoon sergeant invited Ron and another private to what was presented as a simple gathering at his home. Ron wanted to behave respectfully and show he was a good guy, so he agreed to be there. Almost immediately after consuming a beer, he experienced sudden physical impairment and lost consciousness. He regained awareness during an assault, lost consciousness again, and later found himself back in the barracks. An aspect of his assault that sticks with him today is that he had no memory of how he had returned and never saw the other men involved again.
Ron had no way to describe what was done to him that day which contributed significantly to his confusion, aggressive behavior, and distress.
Help us continue amplifying voices of Military Sexual Trauma survivors.
Immediate Impact After the Assault
The trauma produced abrupt behavioral and emotional changes. Ron began drinking heavily, smoking hash, and getting into fights resulting in receiving multiple Article 15s. Finding himself unable to regulate his reactions, experiencing intrusive thoughts, night terrors, and unpredictable anger, Ron relied on his survival instinct to make it through daily life. Hyper-vigilance became constant, yet he did not understand why he felt disconnected from his own behavior.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter speaks out about Military Sexual Trauma, living in silence, and the lifelong journey to healing.
He interpreted his reactions as personal failure because no one ever explained trauma, dissociation, or survival responses in the mid-80’s. Without any knowledge of mental health, his behavior and internal chaos reinforced the shame he carried and made it increasingly difficult to function in a high-pressure environment.
The Long-Term Effects on Thought, Behavior, and Identity
Ron shares that he lived with these symptoms for many years without understanding their source. The missing modern-day understanding of post-traumatic stress led to the assumption that the volatility, emotional distance, and reactivity he experienced reflected deep flaws in his character. Trying to suppress memories intensified their impact on his relationships, jobs, and at times his will to live.
Only later did he learn the language of trauma, emotional processing, and PTSD. He discovered that trauma can alter memory, disrupt emotional regulation, and create long-standing patterns of hypervigilance and mistrust. This allowed him to reinterpret his symptoms with clarity and accuracy.
PTSD is not only caused by combat experiences, which is something Ron learned and wants people to know. Understanding this reshaped his perception of himself, his past, and helped him identify the years of untreated trauma.
Ron’s Work Now
By sharing his story publicly, Ron’s goal is to increase awareness of MST so that parents and young people considering joining the military understand the reality of what serving can look like. His work includes advocacy, community engagement, and contributing to public education about trauma and its effects. An important aspect of his mission to help is getting survivors access to information that was unavailable during his service.
If this podcast has helped you understand what survivors are up against, leave a review. Reviews are one of the only ways these stories reach people who would otherwise never hear them.
Episode Trigger Warnings and Timestamps
00:00 Introduction to Ron Carter's Journey
02:08 Deciding to Join the Military
04:53 Basic Training Experience
07:09 Transitioning to Military Life in Germany
09:18 The Reality of Military Culture
11:06 Experiencing MST and Its Impact
Triggering content from 12:55 - 25:48 that includes discussion of being drugged, sexual assault, loss of conciousness and memory, physical assault, coerced sexual acts, and blackmail
13:31 The Aftermath of Trauma
15:45 Coping Mechanisms and Struggles
18:36 The Long Road to Healing
23:55 Understanding PTSD Beyond Combat
25:56 Part 2 of Ron’s Story Preview
Resources from this Episode
Support and Community:
Veterans Crisis line: Dial 988, the press 1
DoD Safe Helpline: https://www.sapr.mil/dod-safe-helpline
Join our Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadvocatesofmst
About the Guest
Ron Carter is a former Army infantryman turned MST advocate. After surviving a premeditated and devastating assault while on active duty, he committed himself to supporting others who have been affected. Through speaking engagements and community work, Ron pushes for better resources and policy change and uses his platform to amplify survivor voices.
ART Might Be the Trauma Treatment Veterans Need to Turn their Lives Around
When I discovered Accelerated Resolution Therapy could process trauma in one to five sessions, it caught my attention immediately. Not because it was a miracle cure, but because of what that timeline means for someone who's been stuck. I know what it's like to sit in therapy talking in circles, unable to break through because your own trauma blocks the path forward. Knowing quickly whether something is working instead of investing months or year can be the difference between giving up and finding your way forward.
Research shows up to 83% of patients drop out of traditional PTSD therapies before their fifth session. Meanwhile, ART has a 94% completion rate among veterans.
I came across Accelerated Resolution Therapy the same way I find most resources I share with our community: scrolling through news stories on our BlueSky account, looking for anything that might help.
I'd never heard of it before, but what caught my attention was the timeline: one to five sessions to process traumatic memories and reduce PTSD symptoms. Traditional therapy can take months or years.
The Merry-Go-Round Problem
If you've been in therapy for trauma, you know the frustration I'm talking about. Sitting there talking in circles, trying to get to some conclusion your therapist is guiding you toward, but not being able to reach it. And it’s not due to a lack of intelligence or insight, and it’s also not because your therapist lacks skill.
I've been there. I knew I wanted to get better and to make progress, but I felt stuck. Then I blamed myself for it, even though it wasn't my fault. It’s your trauma and pain stopping you from getting where you need to go.
That self-blame makes everything worse. You start comparing yourself to other survivors who seem further along in their journey. Seeing them on social media living happily and getting all the things I told myself I wanted but couldn’t get was like torture. There were marriages, first-homes purchased, families started, and more. Each new happy face felt like an indictment of my own ability to move on or forward.
I remember thinking, "Why can't I do this? Why is this taking so long?"
The result is anger, bending to the weight of hopelessness and feeling overwhelmed by the feelings of helplessness. If you’re anything like me, you don’t want to go to therapy anymore when you reach this point. Then you stop going.
What Happens When You Hit That Wall
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Here's what typically happens: We fall through the cracks or quit that therapist and try another, only to run into the same problem. That cycle can lead to worse or potentially deadly mental health episodes. They did for me.
Research shows that up to 83% of patients drop out of traditional evidence-based PTSD therapies before their fifth session. Meanwhile, a 2013 randomized controlled trial found that ART demonstrates a 94% completion rate among veterans with combat-related PTSD.
That difference matters when you're exhausted and losing hope.
Why Speed Matters
ART works differently than traditional talk therapy. You don't have to verbalize the details of your trauma to participate, which is something that a lot of veterans are adverse to because it’s too difficult to go through the traumatic experiences again. The therapy uses eye movements, similar to EMDR, combined with visualization techniques to help your brain reprocess traumatic memories.
The goal is to detach the emotional charge from those memories. You don't have to relive them out loud in order to heal.
For MST survivors who face unique barriers to disclosure, this matters.
But here's what really stuck out to me about that timeline: How quickly a patient would know whether it’s working for them instead of investing months or years before realizing something else might be a better fit.
The Questions This Raises
ART was recognized as an evidence-based treatment by SAMHSA back in 2015. That's nearly a decade ago.
Why aren't more veterans hearing about it?
This post isn’t here to be combative about the VA's pace with new treatments, because I also don’t know the extent of the processes in place to introduce them to veterans. But I do know what it's like to advocate for yourself when what you're being offered isn't working.
I had to do this for my own medication (something that came out at the end of 2022 and saved my life). The VA still doesn't offer it in their formulary. I was in a completely different mental state three days after starting it, and that was after a month of a community care provider going to bat for me.
How many people have fallen through the cracks because something new hasn't been considered or isn’t known about yet?
What You Can Do
If ART sounds like something worth exploring, here's what I want you to know:
Ask your provider about its effectiveness and availability. Ask them to do the research on implementing it as a tool, or request a referral to community care where you can access this treatment if its available in your area.
You have the right to ask for alternatives when what you're being offered isn't working.
One of the driving forces behind starting The Silenced Voices of MST was helping veterans find as many resources and treatment options as possible. I want you to have the same chance at recovery that I did, and I stumbled upon mine accidentally.
A Final Word
There's a quote from Vanilla Sky that spoke to my heart when I wasn't well: "Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around."
When I finally got better, that quote became real for me. I've lived every minute since that morning with it in my mind.
ART could be a chance for many out there that continue to suffer from their trauma.
All anyone needs is a chance to give it their all and see if something works. And if it doesn't work perfectly, take what does work and add it to your toolbox. Leave the rest.
Don't give up on yourself. You deserve to feel better and take your power back.
And remember: even after a significant breakthrough, life won't be perfect. But you'll be equipped to handle life's curveballs instead of being completely bowled over by them.
If you're a higher-functioning veteran who found this helpful, share it with your network. Someone who needs a reason to hope might see it. My goal with sharing resources is to demonstrate how veterans have significantly improved from alternatives and advocate for the VA to implement more treatment options.
Military Sexual Trauma and Sexual Harassment: Julie | The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith
Former Air Force officer Julie shares her experience of sexual harassment, reporting, and resilience on The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith.
Julie, a former U.S. Air Force officer, shares her story of Military Sexual Trauma, the harassment she endured, and the gaslighting that followed when she tried to report.
Julie, former Air Force officer, speaks about Military Sexual Trauma, sexual harassment, and the failures of the reporting process on The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith.
Intro
In this episode of The Silenced Voices of MST, former Air Force officer Julie shares her experience of persistent sexual harassment during her military career and the challenges of speaking out against it. She recounts how inappropriate advances from older men became a pattern both in uniform and afterward as a civilian. One particular incident, occurring during pre-deployment training on the way to Afghanistan, escalated from unwanted touching at dinner to repeated harassment at multiple bars. Despite her initial reluctance to report, Julie recognized that her harasser was about to assume a leadership position overseeing hundreds of Airmen. She made the difficult decision to file a complaint to protect those under his authority.
Episode Summary
Her report set off a painful and disorienting process. Instead of support, she was assigned a Guard Jag who repeatedly pressured her to change her story. Even with witnesses corroborating her account and evidence of prior complaints against the perpetrator, Julie was treated as if she were lying. The investigation dragged on, and she endured months of gaslighting from officials who minimized her experience and questioned her integrity. She describes the psychological toll of this process, compounded by the stress of deployment to Afghanistan, where she faced a toxic command environment and constant anxiety.
Julie’s account highlights the structural failures that allow harassment and abuse to persist unchecked. She shares how her trust was eroded by leaders who ignored red flags and excused predatory behavior as long as the offender was “good at his job.” Despite this betrayal, she also points out the commanders and peers who did support her, and the Victim Advocate who ultimately helped shift her case toward accountability.
Her story extends beyond the incident itself into the lasting effects of trauma. She discusses how the experience left her with hypervigilance, difficulty trusting men, and ongoing struggles with dating. Therapy at the Stephen A. Cohen Military Family Clinic provided tools for managing anxiety, and writing became a vital outlet that led to publishing two books. She also describes how music, particularly Taylor Swift’s, gave her strength to keep fighting during the lowest points of her case.
Julie reflects on systemic change, noting her support for President Biden’s executive order that removed commanders from deciding sexual harassment cases. She acknowledges her frustration with false reporting, which undermines survivors’ credibility, but emphasizes the importance of stronger protections and unbiased processes. Her voice underscores how policy reform must be paired with cultural change if survivors are to find safety and justice.
Julie’s story is ultimately one of resilience. She turned her experience into advocacy, sharing her lessons with others considering military service and urging them to carefully weigh the personal costs. Her journey reminds listeners that even when silenced, survivors can carve out paths of truth, healing, and empowerment.
“I was made to feel like proving my integrity mattered more than proving he did something wrong.”
- Julie
Julie, a former Air Force officer, shares her experience of Military Sexual Trauma and sexual harassment, the gaslighting she endured when reporting, and how therapy and writing supported her recovery. Listen now.
Julie’s experience exposes the deep cracks in the military justice system, where investigations often focus more on discrediting survivors than holding perpetrators accountable. Her account makes clear how cultural rot and leadership failures sustain an environment where harassment thrives. Yet her decision to step forward was not only about her own dignity, it was about preventing future Airmen from being placed in the hands of a known predator. That choice embodies both courage and sacrifice.
Her story is also a reminder of the long shadow trauma casts. Even years after separation, the impact lingers in dating, trust, and daily interactions. But Julie’s resilience shines through her advocacy, her writing, and her willingness to keep speaking truth to power. For survivors listening, her message is both validation and hope. Even in the face of disbelief and institutional betrayal, healing is possible and change is worth fighting for.
Episode Trigger Warnings and Timestamps
08:00–09:12: Sexual harassment at a bar, unwanted touching, physical grabbing
09:13–12:40: Escalation of harassment, footsie, unwanted contact, inappropriate touching in public
12:41–13:50: Following behavior, waiting outside bathroom, intimidation
13:51–15:15: Reporting process, fear of reprisal, decision to come forward
15:16–19:29: Gaslighting by lawyer and investigators, repeated questioning, emotional distress
19:30–21:00: Anxiety, PTSD diagnosis, impact on daily life
29:42–30:37: Difficulty trusting men, ongoing effects on dating and relationships
Resources from this Episodes
If you’re currently working through the VA Disability claims process, download our free toolkit that helps you get the rating you deserve: Get access now
Julie's Books: The Myth of Adulting: Everyone's Just Winging It: https://a.co/d/3xVOEHw
Letters from Future Me: https://a.co/d/8UBQWFM
The Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic - https://www.endeavors.org/cohen-clinic-san-antonio/
Anxiety Guys - https://anxietyguys.com/
Join our mailing list to learn about upcoming episodes, new resources, and daily support.
Listen to the Full Coversation
Leave a Review
If this episode was meaningful to you, please leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Reviews help more people discover stories of Military Sexual Trauma and join the movement for change.
Next Episode
Our host, Rachelle Smith, speaks with Taylor, an Air Force dependent that shares the shock of trying to call Security Forces to report her assault, only to have her assailant answer the phone.
Support and Community
Veterans Crisis Line: Dial 988, then press
DoD Safe Helpline: https://www.sapr.mil/dod-safe-helpline
Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadvocatesofmst
VA Disability Toolkit: https://www.silencedvoicesmst.com/disability-toolkit
Contact Your Lawmaker Toolkit: https://www.silencedvoicesmst.com/contact-your-lawmaker-toolkit
About the Guest
Julie, a former Air Force officer, shares her experience of Military Sexual Trauma and sexual harassment, the gaslighting she endured when reporting, and how therapy and writing supported her recovery.
Internal Links
Military Sexual Trauma in Korea’s Drinking Culture and Trafficking: Lakeydra Houston (Part 2) | The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith
Lakeydra Houston shares her story of Military Sexual Trauma in the U.S. Air Force, exposing alcohol culture in Korea, systemic betrayal, and survivor advocacy.
Lakeydra Houston shares her story of Military Sexual Trauma in the U.S. Air Force, exposing alcohol culture in Korea, systemic betrayal, and survivor advocacy.
U.S. Air Force veteran Lakeydra Houston discusses Military Sexual Trauma, alcohol culture in Korea, and her journey to advocacy on The Silenced Voices of MST .
Intro
U.S. Air Force veteran Lakeydra Houston shares her experience of Military Sexual Trauma while stationed in Korea, where a culture of heavy drinking and peer pressure created unsafe conditions for service members. She describes how trafficking operated inside the ranks, how leadership failed to act, and how systemic betrayal deepened her trauma. Despite these challenges, Lakeydra has become an advocate for survivors, emphasizing the need for accountability, support, and reform.
This is Part 2 of Lakeydra’s story. Read Part 1 here: https://www.silencedvoicesmst.com/blog/military-sexual-trauma-lakeydra-houston-part1
Episode Summary
In this continuation of her interview on The Silenced Voices of MST, Lakeydra Houston opens up about the ways Military Sexual Trauma shaped her service in the U.S. Air Force. Stationed in Korea, she encountered a drinking culture that normalized alcohol abuse and lowered safeguards for vulnerable service members. She explains how this environment not only increased the risk of assault but also protected perpetrators from accountability.
Lakeydra details multiple incidents of Military Sexual Trauma and the profound sense of betrayal she felt when leadership failed to act. Instead of receiving support, she faced retaliation, blame, and silence that compounded the harm. Her account also reveals the presence of trafficking networks inside the military, where power and authority were used to exploit and control.
Adding to this burden, Lakeydra experienced devastating personal loss with the death of her sister while she was still in service. The grief amplified her struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts, leaving her isolated in a culture unwilling to protect or support survivors.
U.S. Air Force veteran Lakeydra Houston discusses Military Sexual Trauma and alcohol culture in Korea on The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith
Despite this, Lakeydra found strength in advocacy. By seeking therapy, connecting with survivor networks, and building community through groups like KeyFit and The Pink Berets, she began transforming her pain into purpose. Today, she speaks out about the connection between Military Sexual Trauma, toxic military culture, and systemic neglect, calling for urgent reform and trauma-informed care.
“You have to
remember your ‘why’.”
- Lakeydra Houston
This episode points out the intersection of Military Sexual Trauma, alcohol culture in Korea, trafficking within the Air Force, and the enduring fight for survivor justice.
Lakeydra’s experience is a rallying call to action. Her story exposes institutional betrayal, the hidden crisis of trafficking, and the devastating effects of unaddressed complex traumas. But take this to heart. Her story is an example of the almost miraculous healing power of support and community. Lakeydra’s journey shows that even in the darkest moments, there is still a dawn.
Episode Trigger Warnings and Timestamps
01:18–02:29: Alcohol abuse and toxic drinking culture
02:32–02:50: MST and military inaction
02:54–04:10: Peer pressure, bullying, isolation
04:23–05:39: Sexual assault, betrayal, victim blaming
05:42–06:18: Further assault, deepening trauma
06:25–07:23: Depression, reluctance to disclose
07:44–08:18: Human trafficking, leadership complicity
08:24–10:19: “Juicy Girls,” survivor guilt
11:02–14:10: Sister’s death, harassment, self-harm, suicidal thoughts
17:34–18:39: Supporting another MST victim, starting advocacy
19:31–20:34: Survivor silencing, victim blaming
26:08–26:43: Transition out of service, overdose mention, ongoing healingThis episode contains a few references to news articles and books that are listed below:
Resources from this Episodes
🔍 If you’re currently working through the VA Disability claims process, download our free toolkit that helps you get the rating you deserve: Get access now
Wounds to Wisdom: Healing Through Veteran and First Responder Narratives
Join our mailing list to learn about upcoming episodes, new resources, and daily support.
Listen to the Full Coversation
Leave a Review
If this episode was meaningful to you, please leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Reviews help more people discover stories of Military Sexual Trauma and join the movement for change.
Next Episode
Our host, Rachelle Smith, speaks with Gender Violence Institute founder, Chuck Derry, who offers insight into why Military Sexual Trauma has endured in the Armed Forces and exactly how to stop it.
Support and Community
Veterans Crisis Line: 988, then 1
SA Support for the DoD Community, contact the DoD Safe Helpline: https://www.sapr.mil/dod-safe-helpline
Join our Facebook community: The Advocates of MST
About the Guest
Lakeydra Houston is a U.S. Air Force veteran, survivor of Military Sexual Trauma, and advocate for reform. Through her work with organizations such as KeyFit and The Pink Berets, she supports fellow survivors and pushes for systemic change in how the military addresses sexual assault.
Internal Links
Military Sexual Trauma at Her First Duty Station: Lakeydra Houston (Part 1)
U.S. Air Force veteran Lakeydra Houston shares her story of Military Sexual Trauma at her first duty station, coping with alcohol, and mental health struggles.
U.S. Air Force veteran Lakeydra Houston shares her story of Military Sexual Trauma at her first duty station, where harassment escalated into assault. She explains how alcohol became a way to cope, how mental health struggles were ignored, and why survivor support is urgently needed.
U.S. Air Force veteran Lakeydra Houston shares her story of Military Sexual Trauma at her first duty station on The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith.
Intro
U.S. Air Force veteran Lakeydra Houston shares how Military Sexual Trauma shaped her earliest years in service. After completing training and arriving at her first duty station, she faced harassment that escalated into assault. With few resources and no support, she turned to alcohol to cope. Her story reveals how retaliation, silence, and a lack of mental health care left survivors unprotected in the Air Force.
This is Part 1 of Lakeydra’s story. Read Part 2 here: www.silencedvoicesmst.com/blog/military-sexual-trauma-lakeydra-houston-part2
Episode Summary
She was reporting in, doing exactly what every new Airman does when they arrive at their first assignment. Lakeydra Houston recalls being groped by a first sergeant under the pretense of fixing her uniform. When she fled, another airman warned her not to report him because she had tried and was being discharged for it.
The men in her unit already knew the sergeant’s reputation. They laughed about it. Lakeydra was silenced, shamed, and pushed toward alcohol as her only way to cope. Surrounded by a toxic drinking culture and carrying a weapon every day, she unraveled emotionally while no one noticed and no one intervened.
The spiral deepened as Lakeydra entered a volatile relationship, became pregnant, and was deployed just six weeks after giving birth. She was neither physically nor emotionally ready. While serving in Dubai, harassment and violence continued. Some perpetrators were officers. Others were peers too scared or ashamed to report. Alcohol fueled the cycle until it was finally cut off, but by then the damage had spread. When Lakeydra received a call that her husband had been shot, she felt safer remaining overseas than returning home to a man she could not trust.
Pin this story to help amplify Lakeydra’s voice and story for survivors!
Her story exposes how toxic command climates and male-dominated cultures allow repeat offenders to thrive while silencing survivors. Systemic betrayal compounds personal trauma, trapping service members in a loop of silence, retaliation, and self-destruction.
“Going to the military was my way to start over and feel like I had a purpose in life.”
- Lakeydra
Click here to explore more survivor stories
If you’re still wondering if your pain “counts” or if you’re the only one, you’re not. Lakeydra hopes her courage helps other survivors understand they’re not alone, and that they can get out of the loop that they’re stuck in with support and help from advocates, trustworthy leadership, and mental health treatment and services.
Episode Trigger Warnings and Timestamps
01:36: Childhood sexual assault and drug use for coping
03:30–04:56: Discussion of September 11
07:36: Loss of sister
09:07: Loss of parent to gun violence
09:49–10:59: Harassment and sexual assault in technical school
11:26–22:39: Multiple assaults, childhood trauma, predatory leadership, peer complicity, self-blame, alcohol abuse, domestic violence, pregnancy, suicide, deployment after childbirth, family trauma cycles
23:02–29:11: Assaults on deployment tied to alcohol and abuse of power, reporting barriers due to rank, domestic violence, financial abuse, betrayal by spouse, ongoing trauma
Resources from This Episode
Free VA Disability Toolkit: https://www.silencedvoicesmst.com/disability-toolkit
Join our Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadvocatesofmst
Join our mailing list to learn about upcoming episodes, new resources, and daily support.
Listen to the Full Conversation
Leave a Review
If this episode was meaningful to you, please leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Reviews help more people discover stories of Military Sexual Trauma and join the movement for change.
Next Episode
Click here to read and watch Part 2 of Lakeydra’s story, where she discusses Military Sexual Trauma in Korea, the role of alcohol culture, trafficking inside the ranks, and her advocacy for survivors.
Support and Community
Veterans Crisis line: Dial 988, the press 1
DoD Safe Helpline: https://www.sapr.mil/dod-safe-helpline
About the Guest
Lakeydra Houston is a U.S. Air Force veteran, survivor of Military Sexual Trauma, and advocate for reform. She found the organization KeyFit and also works with The Pink Berets to support survivors and promote systemic change.
Internal Links
You are not alone. We believe you. You matter.
The Best Advice I Can Give For Surviving MST (MSTy’s Story | Part 3)
MSTy, an anonymous Marine Corps veteran, shares the second stage of struggles with mental health, learning about MST, and developing a tool to help survivors come forward and establish patterns of predatory behavior. This episode demonstrates the power of only one person saying, “No more!” and rallying more to stand with them against military sexual trauma and the military’s diligence in sweeping cases under the rug. Read the full story and access helpful resources.
MSTy shares her story of Military Sexual Trauma in the U.S. Air Force, reflecting on years of survival without support, the physical and emotional costs of unresolved trauma, and the role of books, pets, and community in her healing.
MSTy discusses Military Sexual Trauma, the health impacts of living in survival mode, and long-term healing on The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith.
Books, Pets, and Daily Coping Tools
MSTy describes the long silence she endured before finding support. In those years, she turned to books as her lifeline, reading self-help, spiritual texts, and classics like Man’s Search for Meaning to find guidance. She explains how pugs became another coping tool, providing comfort, routine, and companionship. These simple daily practices gave her stability when nothing else was available.
She also reflects on how positive affirmations, gratitude, and even social media memes carried real weight. Short reminders like “you are enough” or “what happened to you is not who you are” gave her perspective in moments when she felt overwhelmed. She emphasizes how easy it is to dismiss small acts of encouragement, but for survivors they can become anchors in the darkest times.
Beyond coping, MSTy talks about building community. Through her MST Crime Map, she gave survivors a way to mark their experiences anonymously and establish patterns of predatory behavior across military history. She also created pages like MST News and Info and Misty Days on Facebook and Instagram to curate resources, share daily reflections, and remind survivors they are not alone.
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After finding out the long-term cost of unaddressed trauma, MSTy offers caution to survivors. She discusses chronic muscle tightness, inflammation, and memory issues that worsened over time. She regrets how dissociation and survival mode prevented her from being fully present with her children when they were young. Looking back, she warns that waiting decades to begin healing comes at a heavy price.
“Make time for it today.” - — MSTy
The People Who Stayed
Still, MSTy highlights the people who stayed. A best friend in the military, a civilian coworker, and her husband all saw her worth even when she doubted it. Her husband’s reassurance, “I ain’t scared,” became a defining reminder that she could be loved without fear or judgment.
Click here to explore more survivor stories
MSTy’s story shows how coping strategies, community, and small acts of daily healing can sustain survivors.
If you are unsure if you are ready to seek help, remember MSTy’s message of urgency for prioritizing emotional wellness before the physical and emotional toll becomes irreversible.
Episode Trigger Warnings and Timestamps
00:14–00:31: On-screen details of MST markers
01:26–01:33: Panic attacks, dissociation
11:25–14:22: Physical toll of trauma, regret, difficulty being emotionally present
Resources From This Episode:
This episode contains a few references to news articles and books that are listed below:
MSTy’s MST Crime Map: https://mstmap.com/
MST News & Info: https://www.facebook.com/MST.Information
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
The Power of Positive Thinking by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Alan Singer
Support the Mission
The Silenced Voices of MST needs your help. Donate today to help us continue to share these stories and demand accountability.
Join our mailing list to learn about upcoming episodes, new resources, and daily support.
Join the Conversation & Amplify Survivors
Leave a Review
If this episode was meaningful to you, please leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Reviews help more people discover stories of Military Sexual Trauma and join the movement for change.
Support and Community:
Veterans Crisis line: Dial 988, the press 1
DoD Safe Helpline: https://www.sapr.mil/dod-safe-helpline
Join our Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadvocatesofmst
Internal Links
If Victims Were Afraid Then, Predators Should Worry Now (MSTy’s Story | Part 2)
MSTy, an anonymous Marine Corps veteran, shares the second stage of struggles with mental health, learning about MST, and developing a tool to help survivors come forward and establish patterns of predatory behavior. This episode demonstrates the power of only one person saying, “No more!” and rallying more to stand with them against military sexual trauma and the military’s diligence in sweeping cases under the rug. Read the full story and access helpful resources.
How MSTy designed a new tool that helps survivors track abuse, expose patterns, and take back their power — one marker at a time.
Survivors can take their power back with this map — and that includes you.
Accountability Through Reported Patterns of Predatory Behavior
MSTy didn’t set out to become the creator of an innovative and accurate way to hold the perpetrators of Military Sexual Trauma accountable. Like many survivors, she was mostly trying to get through the aftermath of her encounters with avoidance and unhealthy coping until she found education and therapy. Survivors can especially understand wanting to only seek peace after having their lives disturbed so violently and abruptly, often without support for many years until that became unbearable as well.
In learning about complex PTSD and dissociation as a coping skill, she understood that silence and pretending her traumatic events hadn’t happened wouldn’t make the events magically disappear. It didn’t make it easier, because her trauma appeared in her life in other ways when she least expected or wanted it to.
In Part 2, MSTy shares what happened after her assaults — the disorientation, the dissociation, and the dark spiral that followed. But this time, she’s guiding listeners along her path to healing and discovering a brilliant method to help more survivors speak up. She’s sharing her way, possibly your way, of fighting back against this toxic cultural issue in our military.
MSTy introduces a powerful data driven crime map, born from her own story: a digital map that plots MST incidents across the world — Every marker represents a survivor. Every marker is a story that someone felt they had to keep quiet. Until now.
Finally Understanding She Wasn’t Alone
After MSTy’s terrifying and confusing assaults and harassment, she began documenting what happened — first in her diary, then in her mind, and eventually in a way that others could connect with too.
She speaks about living in a fog of dissociation, turning to alcohol, and losing trust in everything and everyone around her — including herself. But slowly, over time, something shifted. She courageously chose to go back to serving, in the Air Force after September 11th. This new direction with better peers, more opportunities to be the servicemember she knew she could be, and to be able to guide younger Airmen was a source of peace and redemption. A second chance. And upon retiring from both military and civilian work, she turned her focus to healing from MST. The more she learned about MST, the more she realized how common this was — and how often it was expertly covered up, completely ignored, or viciously downplayed.
That’s when the idea for the MST Map found its way.
Using Patterns to Isolate Predators
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The MST Map isn’t just about stories — it’s about patterns. As MSTy began collecting survivor submissions, she saw its potential. Imagine if we could isolate the similarities: the same bases, the same patterns. Different people. Different years. But the same violence.
Consider this. As an example, let’s say a certain recruiter was stationed in an area for 4 years and there are numerous cases of MST reported on the map in that specific time period, and the person was described the same way by all victims… by process of elimination, this map makes it possible to finally validate a victim’s pain.
She and Rachelle discuss how documenting these stories can visually give survivors a sense of power and justice. Most markers are anonymous, while others contain comments of what happened in more detail. But all of them say the same thing: This is real. And it’s everywhere.
The more markers, the better the opportunity to zero in on the people that caused so much pain but managed to slip by, protected by their leadership often to the serious detriment to the lives destroyed in their wake.
Demonstrating the Magnitude of MST
MSTy opens up about how watching the shock toward and spread of Vanessa Guillén’s story pushed her into action. She talks about the exhaustion of fighting the VA disability claim system while still wrestling your own shame. The pain of being invalidated online. The rage of watching predators get promoted or thriving while survivors are barely staying alive each day.
And the hope that something like the map might finally turn anecdote into evidence. Patterns into pain. Well-kept secrets into cleansing truth.
“This map isn’t just data. It’s how we get change, accountability.” - MSTy
Every marker is a defining moment that someone chose to speak up.
By the end of the episode, MSTy reflects on what it means to keep going — to build something for others even when the process hurts. She and Rachelle talk about accountability, prevention, and the fact that every survivor who shares their story makes it a little harder for systems to pretend they don’t know.
This isn’t just a tool. This is a reason for perpetrators to finally begin to feel the same fear that every survivor has felt daily since their lives were changed forever.
Links From This Episode:
This episode contains a few references to news articles and books that are listed below:
Join our mailing list to learn about upcoming episodes, new resources, and daily support.
Episode Trigger Warning Index
This episode contains references to the following topics. Please use this guide to skip if needed:
12:54 - Mention of Vanessa Guillén
13:06 - Mentions of dissociation/mental health struggle
13:22 - Compensation and Pay Exam
13:45 - Mentions of Complex PTSD/mental health struggle
15:10 - Explanation of MST Map Website
15:31 - All types of SA named
15:50 - Mention of MST victims of recruiters
16:22 - Marine Corps recruiter predator news article
16:41 - Army ROTC LT COL predator news article discussed
17:16 - 17: 45 - Unreported cases of MST
17:49 - 18:29 - Markers displayed on the map of incidents
20:02 - 22:08 Trolls invalidating MST on social media
22:24 - 22:36 - Feelings of shame, isolation, and paranoia
23:11 - 24:47 - Describes how MST occurs around the world and in different situations illustrated by map markers can identify perpetrators over time
Takeaways from This Conversation
Creating a map for MST allows survivors to share their stories anonymously and still establish patterns of predatory behavior.
Personal healing often involves confronting past traumas.
Predators often look for naive, trusting individuals with weak boundaries.
Dissociation can be a coping mechanism for trauma survivors.
Data mapping can help identify patterns of abuse and accountability.
Survivors often feel isolated for years due to shame and stigma.
Accountability is crucial for creating change in the military.
Reflection Journal Prompt
What would accountability look like if survivors led the conversation?
Spend a few minutes after listening to reflect or journal. What did you feel during this episode? What are you still thinking about? What systems need to change — and what part could you play in that change?
Join the Conversation & Amplify Survivors
Want to talk through your experience? Or support someone else in theirs?
Join our private Facebook group: The Advocates of MST
Don’t forget. This conversation matters. And MSTy showed immense courage by telling her story. Please help us make sure her voice travels further: Leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts helps elevate the visibility of the show for more survivors suffering in isolation and pain. A simple review can change another person’s life forever.
Leave a review on Apple Podcasts
Need Support?
Although this podcast is a great resource, it does not and should not replace care from a medical professional. If you’re in crisis or need someone to talk to:
Call the Veterans Crisis Line — 988, then press 1
Or go to the nearest emergency room.
You are not alone. We believe you. You matter.
The final part in MSTy’s three part series goes live Tuesday April 15, 2025.
Surviving Assault Secrets: The Stunning Repercussions For Men That Speak Up (Part 3)
Brian, a Marine Corps veteran, shares the next part of his journey from Marine to civilian in this episode. Explore the lasting impacts of military sexual trauma, PTSD, and the urgent need for support for male survivors. Read the full story and access helpful resources.
USMC veteran, Brian, shares his story in the latest episode of The Silenced Voices of MST
In the final part of this series, Brian, a Marine Corps veteran, gives us the meat and potatoes of managing PTSD, sleep, and intrusive thoughts. He credits much of his growth to guided meditations and continuously searching out new and different types of coping strategies that help him regain his power.
Brian's New Outlook on Life and Coping
Continuing his story from Part 2, Brian describes importance of meditation, finding the right therapist, and using storytelling as a tool for recovery. He also discusses the toxic culture within the military and why systemic change is necessary to protect future service members:
Trying to receive help
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Brian explains how sleep meditation and hypnosis techniques helped him process his trauma and find a sense of calm amid the chaos. Apps like Headspace are beneficial to those who have difficulty with insomnia due to anxiety, PTSD, and intrusive thoughts that can make it next to impossible to fall or stay asleep.
Like many survivors, Brian faced roadblocks within the military and VA system when seeking acknowledgment and assistance. He discusses how victim-blaming and also having mental health providers give up on him several times made it even harder for him to make progress. But he does stress that if you need help, keep trying. You will find someone that you mesh with, it takes time with different personalities to work together and build trust and rapport in therapy.
Toxic Military Culture & Systemic Failures
Brian and Rachelle discuss how harassment, abuse, and leadership failures create a culture where MST continues to happen unchecked. Although many members of the military are ready to ignore or outright deny the experiences of lives touched by MST, it doesn’t change reality. MST is a problem, and will continue to be until we address it as a systemic issue that is deeply ingrained in military culture. Brian shares why he decided to go public with his story, despite the stigma and backlash survivors often face. He explains how telling his truth helped him reclaim his power and encourage others to do the same.
Brian urges fellow survivors to seek help, share their stories, and find community in advocacy.
Click here to explore more survivors stories.
"Holding onto trauma is like a disease—it eats away at you.”
Key Takeaways:
Meditation can be a powerful healing tool for MST survivors.
Speaking out about trauma can be liberating and empowering.
The military must enact systemic changes to support MST survivors.
Finding the right therapist is crucial—don’t stop searching until you find one that fits.
Every survivor’s story matters, and sharing it can help others heal.
Don’t forget to subscribe to our YouTube channel!
Join our mailing list to learn about upcoming episodes, new resources, and daily support.
Resources:
Visit Brian’s Website: 8Bmedia.com
Read More: GQ Article on Male Rape in the Military
Need help processing or want to share your story? Join our supportive community on Facebook: The Advocates of MST
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Michael Sealey’s Guided Meditations: YouTube Channel
Cal Melkez’s Sleep Meditations: YouTube Channel
If you are in crisis or need immediate support, call the Veterans Crisis Line: 988, then 1
If this episode resonates with you, please share it, comment your thoughts, and leave a review to help amplify survivor voices. Together, we can change the conversation around MST and push for meaningful reform.
🎧 Full Episode Available on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/silencedvoicesmst
Part 1 of MSTy’s story will release on March 18, 2025.
Surviving Assault Secrets: The Stunning Repercussions For Men That Speak Up (Part 2)
Brian, a Marine Corps veteran, shares the next part of his journey from Marine to civilian in this episode. Explore the lasting impacts of military sexual trauma, PTSD, and the urgent need for support for male survivors. Read the full story and access helpful resources.
Brian shares his story in the latest episode of The Silenced Voices of MST
In Part 2 of this 3-part series, Brian, a Marine Corps veteran, shares what it was like to navigate life after separating from the Marine Corps. He goes to college, tries to cope through partying, drinking, and promiscuity and doesn’t tell a soul that he’s a veteran. After landing a job with Jose Cuervo, he has a mental break that leads to him finding a magazine article that changes his life prior to leaving for China to rediscover himself. He explores finding his love of storytelling and expresses frustration with the lack of progress made by science in support of finding a treatment method for people with debilitating PTSD. Brian opens up about the struggles he faced after leaving the military, including the relentless grip of PTSD, the battle to be heard, and how he found strength in writing and advocacy.
Brian's Journey: From Dishonorable Discharge to Medically Retired
Picking up from where he left off in Part 1, Brian talks about the immediate aftermath, how his discharge affected his ability to get vital mental health care, and the lack of support he encountered after word spread among his peers. It was nearly impossible for him to seek justice, leaving him to process his trauma on his own. He earned the nickname “Blackout King” in college and hid the fact that he was a veteran from everyone and speaks about finding unhealthy coping mechanisms, including:
Substance use – Numbing the pain through alcohol and other substances.
Self-destructive behaviors – Using promiscuity as a means of dealing with what happened
Trying to receive help
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One of the most difficult battles Brian faced was not just recovering from trauma and unhealthy coping, but fighting for his experience to be acknowledged. He details the legal and bureaucratic hurdles that male MST survivors face when they seek recognition and support.
He shares his frustrations with the military’s reluctance to acknowledge male survivors and finally seeing that he was not alone in an article from GQ, titled “Son, Men Don’t Get Raped”. The article mirrored how MST, being improperlty discharged, and stigma impacts not only mental health care access but also disability claims and post-service support. This segment highlights the systemic failures that leave survivors without the help they desperately need.
Why Men’s Voices Matter
One of the major struggles for male MST survivors is finding therapy that actually works. Brian discusses the lack of specialized care for male survivors, the stigma of seeking help, and how many veterans are dismissed or misdiagnosed.
He shares how he eventually found therapists who understood his experience, and how trauma-focused therapy, meditation, and support groups played a role in his healing journey. Brian also calls out the lack of research and resources dedicated to male survivors of MST. He discusses:
The gaps in mental health services for veterans.
The need for better education about the true extent and definition of PTSD
The lack of research on military sexual trauma and PTSD that actually heals those who suffer
He stresses that change will happen if more survivors feel empowered to speak.
Click here to explore more survivors stories.
Brian notes that male survivors are often overlooked and underrepresented in conversations about sexual violence. He talks about the challenges of breaking through societal stigma and why it’s crucial for men to share their experiences.
"I found my path in storytelling..” – Brian
Key Takeaways:
Brian illustrates the struggles many veterans face after leaving the military when they've been harmed and are not discharged under honorable conditions
The importance of finding a voice for male survivors of sexual assault is crucial.
Coping mechanisms can vary widely, and what works for one may not work for another.
Storytelling can be a powerful tool for healing and advocacy.
Brian's experience with the legal system highlights the challenges faced by veterans seeking justice.
The need for societal recognition of male sexual assault survivors is urgent.
Cultural rituals and ceremonies can play a significant role in healing for veterans.
Mental health treatment is often a long and challenging process for veterans.
Brian's transition to storytelling reflects a broader need for veterans to share their experiences.
The fight for recognition and support for veterans with PTSD due to MST continues.
Join our mailing list to learn about upcoming episodes, new resources, and daily support.
Resources:
Visit Brian’s Website: 8Bmedia.com
Read More: GQ Article on Male Rape in the Military
Need help processing or want to share your story? Join our supportive community on Facebook: The Advocates of MST
If you are in crisis or need immediate support, call the Veterans Crisis Line: 988, then 1
Surviving Assault Secrets: The Stunning Repercussions For Men That Speak Up
Brian, a Marine Corps veteran, shares his journey from soldier to sexual assault survivor in this powerful episode. Explore the lasting impacts of military sexual trauma, PTSD, and the urgent need for support for male survivors. Read the full story and access helpful resources.
Brian shares his story in the latest episode of The Silenced Voices of MST
When we think of masculinity and military strength, the first image that pops into most people’s minds is a guy in the Marine Corps. Their motto says it all: The few. The proud. The Marines. It’s iconic, and so many young men and women respond to that message by enlisting or commissioning into the toughest service in the nation. But what happens more often than not is our blindness to the battles that men and women suffer in uniform among their peers. The amount of harassment and bullying is overlooked, and something like Military Sexual Trauma is hidden deeply away behind stoic facades and messages of honor and camaraderie.
In Part 1 of this deeply moving three-part series, Brian, a Marine Corps veteran, shares his journey from proud infantryman to survivor of sexual trauma and PTSD. His story gives us a look at the hidden experiences of male survivors in the military and the long-term repercussions of not only being victimized, but also speaking out and trying to receive help.
Brian's Journey: From Musician to Marine
Brian’s path to joining the Marines was similar to many that I’ve heard. It was a way to pay for school and his future musical aspirations, and military service was a family tradition. And although Brian had never felt pushed or encouraged to join by his family, a feeling of restlessness and boredom led him to a recruiter’s office at the age on 19, even after a friend warned him about joining. After a rough start and becoming fully immersed in USMC culture, he found himself and had a grueling, yet transformative experience while away at boot camp. Camaraderie, discipline, and feeling like he finally found his purpose shaped Brian, to the point that he excitedly called his parents one night saying, “This is what I want to do with my life.” But one serious injury and a night soon after changed his life forever.
What was supposed to be a night of NBA finals and letting off steam with a friend in San Diego, turned into a horrifying nightmare experience for both. Following their assaults, nothing was the same. Brian found himself isolated, bullied, and battling his mental health with little to no support. That led to trying to cope, by any means necessary… even career-ending ones.
Facing Harassment and Isolation
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After reporting the assault, Brian found himself in a worse situation than he could have ever imagined. Instead of providing relief, his words opened the door to constant harassment and ridicule from fellow Marines, men who were supposed to be his brothers in arms. Almost instantly, he was ostracized in a place that once felt like it had become home. This response, no matter how common, is tragic. The stigma that persists in “traditionally male environments” like the Infantry, toward male victims remains a driving force as to why more men do not come forward for help after incidents like these. Many suffer in silence, because the alternative is even worse.
Another run-in with law enforcement led to Brian facing a Medical Evaluation Board and Physical Evaluation Board process. Despite his trauma, he remained unsupported, even while navigating the difficult processes. This led to career-ending coping methods, and an Other than Honorable discharge from service, which further impacted his life, long after he hung up the uniform.
Why Men’s Voices Matter
Brian’s story is not just about his personal trauma but a broader conversation about the barriers male survivors face when speaking out. By sharing his story, Brian hopes to encourage other men to seek help and impress upon listeners the importance of creating safe spaces for survivors.
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Key Takeaways:
Brian, a writer, producer, and Marine Corps veteran, shares his journey through trauma, isolation, and recovery.
His experience underscores the stigma surrounding male survivors of sexual assault, particularly within the military.
Brian faced harassment and isolation after reporting his assault, reflecting the cultural challenges in addressing sexual trauma among men.
His struggle with PTSD and substance use emphasizes the urgent need for better mental health resources for veterans.
Watch Part 1 on YouTube
In Part 1, Brian shares his profound journey from being a Marine Corps infantryman to a survivor of sexual trauma and PTSD. He discusses his initial motivations for joining the military, the transformative experiences during boot camp, and the life-altering incident that led to his struggles with mental health, unhealthy coping skills, and disillusionment with the Marine Corps. Brian frankly recounts the challenges he faced, including isolation, harassment, and the difficulties in seeking help after his discharge.
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Resources:
Visit Brian’s Website: 8Bmedia.com
Read More: GQ Article on Male Rape in the Military
Need help processing or want to share your story? Join our supportive community on Facebook: The Advocates of MST
If you are in crisis or need immediate support, call the Veterans Crisis Line: 988, then 1
Part 2 of Brian’s story will release on March 4, 2025.
Manage Your Triggers With This One Easy Trick
For survivors of military sexual trauma or those currently in the middle of a traumatic experience, managing anxiety or feeling completely overwhelmed is especially crucial. Finding effective ways to cope with symptoms of anxiety, PTSD, and the aftermath of MST is essential for maintaining mental and physical health. One simple yet powerful method is mindful breathing.
In today’s fast-paced overwhelming world, stress and anxiety have become common experiences for many people. For survivors of military sexual trauma or those currently in the middle of a traumatic experience, managing these feelings is especially crucial. Finding effective ways to cope with symptoms of anxiety, PTSD, and the aftermath of MST is essential for maintaining mental and physical health. One simple yet powerful method is mindful breathing. The 5-second inhale, 5-second hold, 5-second exhale technique, often referred to as box breathing, is a proven approach to calming the mind and body. This blog post explores the science behind this breathing technique, its numerous benefits, and practical steps for incorporating it into your daily routine.
The Science Behind Breathing Techniques
Breathing is an automatic process that sustains life, but conscious breathing can significantly impact our overall well-being. The 5-5-5 technique involves inhaling for five seconds, holding the breath for five seconds, and exhaling for five seconds. This method is rooted in ancient practices like yoga and meditation, which emphasize the importance of breath control.
For individuals who have experienced MST, anxiety and PTSD symptoms can be overwhelming and debilitating. The 5-5-5 breathing technique engages the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to counteract the 'fight or flight' response often triggered by trauma. By regulating your breath, you can lower your heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and promote a state of relaxation, which is crucial for those recovering from traumatic experiences.
Benefits of the 5-5-5 Breathing Technique for MST Survivors
1. Reduces Anxiety and PTSD Symptoms: Survivors of MST often experience heightened anxiety and PTSD symptoms. The 5-5-5 technique encourages deep, slow breaths that signal the brain to relax, helping to alleviate these symptoms and create a sense of calm.
2. Improves Focus and Concentration: Trauma can affect cognitive functions, making it hard to concentrate. By slowing down your breath, you can enhance your ability to stay focused and grounded, particularly in high-pressure situations.
3. Promotes Emotional Regulation: Controlled breathing can help manage intense emotions by reducing the severity of negative feelings. It provides a moment to pause, reflect, and respond rather than react impulsively to triggers.
4. Enhances Sleep Quality: Many MST survivors struggle with insomnia or disrupted sleep. Practicing mindful breathing before bedtime can prepare your body for rest, improving the quality of your sleep and helping to combat insomnia.
5. Boosts Physical Health: Consistent practice of deep breathing can improve lung capacity, enhance cardiovascular health, and strengthen the immune system, all of which are beneficial for overall recovery and well-being.
How to Practice the 5-5-5 Breathing Technique
Incorporating the 5-5-5 breathing technique into your daily routine is simple and requires no special equipment. Here’s how you can start:
1. Find a Comfortable Position: Sit or lie down in a comfortable position with your back straight and shoulders relaxed. Close your eyes to minimize distractions.
2. Inhale: Slowly inhale through your nose for a count of five. Focus on filling your lungs completely, feeling your chest and abdomen expand.
3. Hold: Hold your breath for a count of five. Use this moment to center your thoughts and stay present.
4. Exhale: Slowly exhale through your mouth for a count of five. Feel the tension leaving your body with each breath.
5. Repeat: Continue this cycle for several minutes. Aim to practice for at least five minutes initially, gradually increasing the duration as you become more comfortable with the technique.
Incorporating Breathing Techniques into Daily Life
Consistency is key to reaping the benefits of the 5-5-5 breathing technique. Here are some tips to help you integrate this practice into your daily routine:
- Start Your Day: Begin your morning with a few minutes of mindful breathing to set a calm and focused tone for the day.
- Take Breaks: Use this technique during breaks at work or throughout the day to reduce stress and maintain clarity.
- Before Bed: Incorporate the 5-5-5 technique into your nighttime routine to promote relaxation and improve sleep quality.
- During Triggers: Whenever you feel anxious or triggered, use this breathing method to ground yourself and regain control over your emotions.
Mindful breathing, particularly the 5-second inhale, 5-second hold, 5-second exhale technique, offers a simple yet effective way to manage anxiety, PTSD, and other symptoms related to MST. By incorporating this practice into your daily life, you can enhance your mental and physical well-being, paving the way for a healthier, more balanced life. Remember, healing is a journey, and every breath you take mindfully brings you one step closer to reclaiming your peace and strength.
If you found this technique helpful, consider subscribing to "The Silenced Voices of MST" podcast for more insights and practical tips on managing MST-related symptoms.
Have you tried the 5-5-5 breathing technique? How did it affect your anxiety or PTSD symptoms? Your story will inspire others on their path to healing! Share your experiences and thoughts in the comments below – how has mindful breathing impacted your recovery journey?