Ron Carter’s New Goals for Military Sexual Trauma Survivors (Part 3) The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith
Military Sexual Trauma survivor Ron Carter appears on The Silenced Voices of MST to share the experiences that shaped his early service, the assault he endured, and the long-term effects that developed when the trauma went unrecognized. This interview begins a three-part series that follows his path from enlistment through MST, behavioral collapse, and his eventual understanding of PTSD outside of combat contexts. His story offers clear insight into how MST develops within military structures and how untreated trauma influences thinking, memory, relationships, and emotional regulation over decades.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter discusses Military Sexual Trauma, finding benefit in doing intensive therapy and somatic release to come to terms with what he survived while serving on The Silenced Voices of MST.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter continues his story on The Silenced Voices of MST. In Part 1, Ron shared his experience of assault and decades of undiagnosed PTSD. In Part 2, he shares a possible reason for the outcome of filing his disability claim with uncharacteristic ease that validated his trauma and raised more questions, reaching his breaking point at an annual VA appointment, and his experiences through therapy and alternative treatments. Ron shares insights in going from crisis to acceptance, the role of persistence in navigating, and what is possible when survivors finally find therapies that work.
Finding The Monster Inside of Me
Ron discusses his book The Monster Inside of Me, available on Amazon, which tells his personal story of surviving military sexual trauma. When Ron thinks about Military Sexual Trauma, he draws a direct comparison to the Catholic Church priest abuse scandal. "Those priests were being shuffled around," Ron explains. To him, what happens with MST is just as horrible. The key difference is media attention. The Catholic Church scandal dominated headlines while military sexual trauma barely registers as newsworthy to senators, congresspeople, or major outlets. Ron believes men being less willing to talk about what happened contributes to this silence.
Ron makes clear he'll talk about military sexual trauma with anyone, anywhere, regardless of what people think. He emphasizes Americans need to know this happens every single day.
How the Book Came Together with Investigative Editor Martin Phillips
Ron shares the story of how he came to work with Martin Phillips, an investigative editor who recently retired from The Sun in London. The connection happened through a chain of events starting with a trip to Texas to meet Eddie Dean, someone with ideas about brain function. During the visit, Ron connected with a veteran who had worked with British author Damien Lewis, known for World War II books and whose work was recently adapted into the Guy Ritchie film The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare. He confirmed the story should be told but explained he was under contract through 2027, which led to the introduction to Martin Phillips.
The two worked together for a year and a half, emailing, editing, and conducting calls. Ron shared his experiences, Martin would send questions, and Ron would provide detailed answers. Despite their efforts, they couldn't find a publisher willing to take on the book. The reluctance stems from concerns about hurting military recruitment numbers, which also explains why mainstream media ignores the issue. Ron plans to continue his advocacy work by reaching out to major podcast hosts like Lex Fridman and Shawn Ryan, challenging them to address an issue affecting their military community.
The Reaction When People Hear the Truth
Trigger Warning: sharing his MST story with others and the scale of MST
Ron explains that conversations about his experiences typically begin with someone asking how his VA benefits were secured. He mentions that people assume combat-related PTSD because of his appearance and demeanor.
When the clarification comes, it always surprises them. No combat? Ron discloses the truth of being drugged, beaten, and raped during military service.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter discusses Military Sexual Trauma, finding benefit in doing intensive therapy and somatic release to come to terms with what he survived while serving on The Silenced Voices of MST.
He explains that without exception, every single person drops their jaw in shock and disbelief. They can't believe this happens, especially to thousands of service members every single year. For survivors who've lived through this trauma, sweeping it under the rug becomes impossible once they find the strength to speak. These are young people who signed their lives away to serve their country, who may be asked to die for their country, and who are being raped by the people they're supposed to trust. The military is supposed to protect young troops through the NCO and officer corps, yet nearly every story involves enlisted personnel being taken advantage of by someone of higher rank, particularly NCOs.
Ron gets angry about this because the victims are poor kids, and they're still kids when this happens.
The normalization and secrecy doesn't make it acceptable, and the problem extends far beyond the United States military. Ron has connected with survivors in Australia, the UK, and other countries who share similar experiences. The pattern stays consistent across armed services around the world: military sexual trauma disproportionately affects young, economically disadvantaged service members.
The Power of Fighting and Refusing to Be Silent
Ron emphasizes how the military has historically driven cultural change in America. The armed forces were the first to integrate racially and pay women equally. Veterans carry these values back into their communities. Ron never spoke to a Black person before joining the military. His senior drill sergeant forced him to shed his biases quickly because survival required trusting every fellow service member. Those bonds between brothers make the betrayal of military sexual trauma horrific. When someone you trust with your life commits sexual violence against you, it shatters something.
Ron's Message to Survivors
Ron speaks directly to survivors who've held onto their stories for years. His first message: don't kill yourself. Ron has attempted suicide himself and feels grateful God saved his life. Life gets better, though the work is hard. The second hurdle is saying something about what happened. Ron understands this difficulty because it took a complete mental breakdown before he could speak about his own trauma.
Ron urges young survivors especially not to wait to seek help. Life becomes unbearably hard with hypervigilance. Veterans have extensive benefits and help available through the VA. Finding a battle buddy who's already navigated the system helps.
The VA Does Care and the Therapy Works
Ron’s message to survivors: stick with treatment because the VA staff care. People wouldn't work in those positions if they didn't care about helping veterans.
The therapy available through the VA is good, though survivors must do substantial work independently. This includes reading books and, for those who are religious, reconnecting with faith or finding a higher power. Over the last three to four years of healing and growth, Ron returned to Christ, which reinforced his therapy work. His spiritual practice reinforced his psilocybin treatment as well.
“I want this to stop. I want it to end for you men and young women, period, in our military. I want this to stop around the world.”
Healing requires getting out of a victim mentality and moving away from decision-making through the lizard brain's fight-or-flight response. Humans evolved to develop the frontal lobe, and using it to process thoughts and emotions in healthy ways is essential. This doesn't mean anger or sadness disappear. Instead, learning to process those emotions constructively instead of staying stuck in fight-or-flight mode prevents the creation of anxiety, depression, or both.
Anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts or ideation should reach out to someone at the VA immediately and get help.
Life Now: From Suicidal Ideation to Self-Love
Over the last three to four years, Ron’s life has transformed, and he exists in a much better emotional and psychological place exists now. This is a complete reversal from not long ago.
Ron’s core message must be emphasized: don't take your life.
Many people are told to reach out for help but don't follow through because they believe they're not worth it. The truth is different. Survivors are worth it. Finding a veteran friend who's already navigated the system helps. Survivors who reach out will find someone who responds, talks to them, helps them get started, hears their story, and listens. What most people want is telling their story to someone who cares.
Discouragement shouldn't win. If a therapist or doctor isn't a good fit, find a different one. Survivors will drive their own ship, and they must captain it. The subconscious should serve as the captain, with survivors controlling their internal dialogue.
The people you love... those relationships get better when moving away from suicidal ideation and hyper-vigilance. Ron wholeheartedly believes that humans are designed to love each other, and offers love freely to anyone who needs it.
This message extends to all survivors. Tell the young version of yourself you're loved and did nothing wrong. This applies to combat veterans as well. You were doing what you were asked to do, what you signed up to do. You were put through hell on earth. War is hell on earth, and sexual trauma is hell on earth, a different kind of war. All these traumatic experiences are spiritual wars happening in the mind. The message: you're loved.
Frequently Asked Questions About Military Sexual Trauma and Recovery
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If you're a veteran who experienced military sexual trauma, start by contacting the VA. There are specialized MST coordinators at every VA facility who help you navigate benefits and treatment options. You don't need a service-connected disability rating to receive free MST-related care from the VA. You also call the Veterans Crisis Line at 988 (press 1) or text 838255 for immediate support. The Safe Helpline at 877-995-5247 provides confidential support specifically for military sexual trauma survivors. Finding a battle buddy or friend who's gone through the VA process also helps you navigate the system.
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Men are less willing to talk about military sexual trauma for several reasons. There's significant stigma around male survivors of sexual assault. Many men fear being seen as weak or worry about how they'll be perceived. Ron Carter points out when he tells people he was drugged, beaten, and raped, their jaws drop because they can't believe it happens, especially to men. The shame and isolation are overwhelming. Men also may not be taken as seriously when they report, and they face the same retaliation risks as women. Ron emphasizes men need to speak up because MST happens to thousands of male service members every year.
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Hypervigilance is a state of constant alertness and heightened awareness many trauma survivors experience. It happens when your brain stays in fight-or-flight mode instead of using your frontal lobe to process thoughts and emotions in a healthy way. Ron Carter describes it as living with constant anxiety, depression, or both. When you live with hypervigilance, life becomes extremely difficult. You can't be the person you were designed to be, and it damages your relationships with people you love. Ron promises life is way too hard with hypervigilance and urges survivors, especially young ones, not to wait to get help. Learning to process thoughts and emotions through therapy instead of staying in fight-or-flight response is critical to healing.
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Ron Carter believes the media doesn't cover military sexual trauma adequately because it would kill military recruiting. While something horrific occasionally happens to women and makes headlines briefly, the issue doesn't stay newsworthy to senators, congresspeople, or major media outlets. Ron compares MST to the Catholic Church priest abuse scandal, noting both involve institutions shuffling predators around and silencing victims, yet MST receives far less attention. He suspects because men are less willing to talk about it, and because it would hurt military recruitment and readiness narratives, the issue stays largely hidden. Ron is determined to change this by speaking up anywhere he goes, including reaching out to platforms like Lex Fridman and the Shawn Ryan Show.
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Yes, suicidal thoughts are unfortunately common among MST survivors, but Ron Carter's first and most important message is: Don't kill yourself. Ron himself has attempted suicide and is grateful God saved his life. He says this is what makes him cry, thinking about survivors who are struggling with depression and suicidal ideation. Life gets better, and it does. It's hard work, but it does get better. The next hard hurdle after deciding not to end your life is saying something and reaching out for help. If you have suicidal thoughts or ideation, reach out to someone at the VA immediately, call the Veterans Crisis Line at 988 (press 1), or text 838255. Ron promises you're worth it, even when you don't feel this way.
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Resources specifically for male MST survivors are extremely limited. While the VA has MST coordinators at every facility who serve all genders, very few dedicated programs exist for men. Salt Lake Behavioral Health operates one of the few male-only military sexual trauma programs, a 30-day inpatient PTSD treatment program specializing in MST (Salt Lake Behavioral Health, 2025). Other organizations like the Military Rape Crisis Center, Warrior's Heart, and Road Home Program serve all genders but don't have male-specific programming. This gap in services reflects the broader invisibility of male MST survivors in the healthcare system. Every VA medical center has an MST Coordinator who assists male survivors in accessing care (VA Mental Health, 2025).
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The numbers of male MST survivors are significantly underreported. Official VA data shows 1.1% of male veterans report military sexual trauma when screened (Kimerling et al., 2016), but this is only those who disclose. The Department of Defense reported 5.7% of male service members experienced military sexual harassment and 0.6% experienced military sexual assault, though these figures are considered low due to reporting and disclosure barriers (Frontiers in Psychiatry, 2024). Studies suggest approximately 90% of men in the military didn't report a sexual assault they experienced in 2021 (DAV, 2017). Despite lower percentages compared to women, the numbers of male and female MST survivors are comparable due to the higher ratio of men to women in the military. Nearly 40% of veterans who disclose MST to the VA are men (DAV, 2017). Over half of all veterans with military sexual trauma are men, making this a significant issue affecting male service members at alarming rates (VA Claims Insider, 2022).
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Male MST survivors face distinct barriers preventing them from seeking help and disclosing their trauma. According to research, male survivors may be especially likely to tell no one and go it alone after MST due to fears of being judged (Make the Connection, VA.gov). Men often worry others will perceive the assault as weakness, femininity, or homosexual orientation, creating significant stigma (DAV, 2017). The VA National Center for PTSD notes perceived stigma impacts recovery, and male survivors face challenges in this area. Research published in Frontiers in Psychiatry (2024) found 94% of suicide deaths in Active Duty are males, yet male survivors receive far less attention and fewer dedicated resources. Additionally, studies of suicide risk among male MST survivors are notably limited, and given their overall risk for death by suicide, additional studies in males are needed to better understand this phenomenon (Frontiers in Psychiatry, 2024). The combination of stigma, lack of male-specific resources, and fear of not being believed creates a storm keeping male survivors silent and suffering.
Episode Trigger Warnings and Timestamps
00:00 The Monster Inside: A Journey of Healing
Triggering content 4:36-7:50 (sharing his MST story with others and the scale of MST)
05:29 The Hidden Epidemic in the Military
07:26 The Fight for Awareness and Change
07:45 Finding Your Voice and Seeking Help
11:07 A Message to Survivors: You Are Not Alone
19:25 Words of Love for the Younger Self
Resources from this Episode
Resources for Survivors
If you or someone you know is struggling with military sexual trauma, resources are available. For additional support navigating VA claims, download our free VA Disability Toolkit.
VA MST Support: Every VA facility has an MST coordinator. You don't need a service-connected disability rating or other VA benefits to receive MST-related care. Call your local VA or visit www.va.gov to connect with an MST coordinator.
Veterans Crisis Line: Call 988, then press 1. Available 24/7 for veterans in crisis. You can also text 838255 or chat online at VeteransCrisisLine.net.
Military OneSource: Offers confidential counseling and support for active-duty service members and their families. Call 800-342-9647 or visit MilitaryOneSource.mil
The Advocates of MST: By joining The Advocates, you add to a powerful collective voice that demands attention and action. Connect with others who understand your experiences and are committed to supporting each other. Find support at https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadvocatesofmst
Watch or Listen to Ron's Full Story
You can hear Part 3 Ron Carter’s story on The Silenced Voices of MST podcast available on all major podcast platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. We dive deeper into his experience with the VA, his therapeutic journey, and his current advocacy work. If you haven't already, listen to Part 1 of Ron's story where he shares his assault experience and the years of undiagnosed PTSD that followed. In Part 2, he shares his experience of finding acceptance and peace.
About the Guest
Ron Carter is a former Army infantryman turned MST advocate. After surviving a premeditated and devastating assault while on active duty, he committed himself to supporting others who have been affected. Through speaking engagements and community work, Ron pushes for better resources and policy change and uses his platform to amplify survivor voices.
About the Host
Rachelle Smith is the host of The Silenced Voices of MST and a survivor of military sexual trauma. She served as a Public Affairs Officer in the Air Force after growing up in a military family. Her experience with MST and the years spent struggling with PTSD and depression gave her a unique understanding of what survivors face.
This podcast exists because she knew firsthand how isolating MST can be. Since launching The Silenced Voices of MST in 2023, she’s interviewed dozens of survivors, advocates, and experts. Her mission is to empower survivors by providing a space to amplify survivor stories and demand change.
Healing is the end goal of military sexual trauma.
You’re not alone, and you can explore more survivor stories and resources on our blog.
Help Keep This Podcast Going
I've been funding this podcast entirely on my own since 2023, and it hasn’t been easy. If this work has helped you or someone you care about, please consider supporting it with a monthly donation. Even $10 a month makes a real difference in covering hosting, editing, and production costs.
Military Sexual Trauma and Letting Go of Repressed Pain: Ron Carter (Part 2) | The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith
Military Sexual Trauma survivor Ron Carter appears on The Silenced Voices of MST to share the experiences that shaped his early service, the assault he endured, and the long-term effects that developed when the trauma went unrecognized. This interview begins a three-part series that follows his path from enlistment through MST, behavioral collapse, and his eventual understanding of PTSD outside of combat contexts. His story offers clear insight into how MST develops within military structures and how untreated trauma influences thinking, memory, relationships, and emotional regulation over decades.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter discusses Military Sexual Trauma, finding benefit in doing intensive therapy and somatic release to come to terms with what he survived while serving on The Silenced Voices of MST.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter continues his story on The Silenced Voices of MST. In Part 1, Ron shared his experience of assault and decades of undiagnosed PTSD. In Part 2, he shares a possible reason for the outcome of filing his disability claim with uncharacteristic ease that validated his trauma and raised more questions, reaching his breaking point at an annual VA appointment, and his experiences through therapy and alternative treatments. Ron shares many profound insights going from crisis to acceptance, the role of persistence in navigating, and what is possible when survivors finally find therapies that work.
Military Sexual Trauma survivor Ron Carter appears on The Silenced Voices of MST in Part 2 of his 3-part series to recount what it was like finally seeking help after trying to live his life without acknowledging or understanding the severity of his assault while serving in the Army. An unexplained breakdown and an understanding VA staff led to him remembering the trauma he’d repressed for 35 years, and as soon as he could, he began treatment for PTSD and other mental illnesses that had resulted. He shares the methods of therapy he used to begin healing, including a detailed account of how Psilocybin therapy offered him somatic release from the trauma that remained trapped in his body. He and Rachelle discuss how predators and perpetrators can be held accountable, as well as their hopes for future generations having safety without people who commit crimes and harm having many places to hide. This episode provides invaluable insights into the importance of having support, numerous methods of therapy to choose from, and acknowledges that the military needs to do something in order to protect the men and women called to serve the country.
Dealing with the VA Disability Claims Process
Ron initially avoided anything connected to his military service. Years of suppressing his trauma led to a disconnect from the experiences that shaped his post-military life. He describes burying the assault so deeply that he convinced himself it never happened, or at least that it didn't matter anymore. This avoidance extended to the VA system itself. Ron resisted engaging with the VA because the military had already failed him once, and he questioned why the VA would be any different.
Despite his resistance, Ron eventually filed for PTSD disability. The approval came quickly. The VA granted him a 70% rating, but Ron was surprised about how easy it was to get to 100% with the help of a lawyer. The unexpected ease of the approval process raised questions about his perpetrator. Had the platoon sergeant harmed more people the same way? Without answers, Ron recalls that at times, he still feels rage resurface about that day. But he is also unsure that he would want that information, because he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to keep himself from doing anything about it.
Expressing deep concern for the future service members in the Armed Forces, he points out that he is oddly glad that if an assault were to happen to him at any point in his life, he was grateful that it was while serving in the military. Now, there are multitudes of resources and help available when someone understands what happened to them. The veterans’ benefits helped him and his family, while he realizes that civilians don’t usually have the same access to care. He calls this a silver lining.
But he does want the next generations to not be a part of the current epidemic of military sexual trauma. He shares the numbers of people affected and suicides each year, and the infuriation of this continuing to happen consistently to the young people who are choosing to serve.
The Exhaustion that Led to Confronting the Past (Trigger Warning)
Trigger Warning: This section contains discussion of mental health crisis.
Even with the disability rating, he spent years holding everything in, feeling as though he was the only person this had ever happened to. Then came the breaking point at an annual appointment at the VA.
"I went to talk and I couldn't talk. I started crying uncontrollably." Ron explains. The trigger for the breakdown?
The Physicians Assistant asked, “Hey Ron, how are you?”
“I can’t live like this anymore. I’m tired of
fighting.”
All those years of suppressing his trauma, and suddenly he couldn't do it anymore. He describes sitting in that VA office, confronting suicidal thoughts he'd been pushing away for decades. He was exhausted from hypervigilance and not understanding what was happening inside his body and mind. When the PA called a Psychiatrist down, he wasn’t able to speak to her either. It took quite a while for him to calm down enough to say, “I can’t live like this anymore. I’m tired of fighting.”
Ron's sudden outburst was the culmination of years of isolation that nearly cost him his life during ongoing battles with suicidal ideation. The breakdown forced him to acknowledge that he could no longer survive by burying his pain. He needed help, and he needed it immediately. This crisis became the turning point that led him toward therapy, treatment, and eventually healing.
Remembering His Assault: Rediscovering Buried Memories
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter discusses Military Sexual Trauma, finding benefit in doing intensive therapy and somatic release to come to terms with what he survived while serving on The Silenced Voices of MST.
The psychiatrist that Ron spoke to listened to what Ron had been struggling with for decades, and identified severe depression and PTSD . He responded that he couldn’t have PTSD, because he hadn’t been in combat. The therapist told him to think about it to see if he could remember and assured him that it could be caused by more than combat.
In the interview, he says that he had forgotten what had happened, but memories of the assault began to surface after a few days of ruminating. Shocked, he had to gather his courage and return to the psychiatrist, saying flatly what happened through another crying jag. The doctor didn’t judge, and immediately got Ron into treatment and resources to begin the work of healing.
He didn't have the language or framework to understand what he was experiencing. Not realizing he had PTSD for decades meant also understanding it was real and damaging.
This process is common among trauma survivors. The brain protects us by suppressing memories too painful to process, but they don’t disappear completely. They continue to live in our bodies, affecting our relationships, our mental health, and our ability to function. Therapy gave Ron permission to remember. More importantly, it gave him tools to process without being destroyed.
Embracing Therapy and Psilocybin Treatment
Ron tried multiple therapeutic approaches, including Cognitive Based Therapy and Written Talk Therapy and Written therapy helped, but it was a psilocybin treatment that created a breakthrough. He made serious progress identifying the experiences that harmed him, but still felt as though the trauma was trapped in his body for decades.
"I had a conversation with God," Ron explains. “It’s weird to talk about because I’ve not met a person yet who’s done it that can do it any justice with words."
Ron acknowledges that healing is a uniquely personal journey for everyone. What works for one person may not work for another, but the key is remaining open to different approaches and being willing to try new methods when traditional therapy plateaus.
Written therapy allowed Ron to express thoughts he couldn't speak aloud, and psilocybin allowed him to access emotions he couldn't reach otherwise. He describes the experience as finally being able to release pain he didn't even know he was carrying, by seeing that all humans are connected and loved. The biggest lesson he took away from the hero dose session: I’m always loved, and I will always be loved.
Ron's Advocacy Mission
"Why would we go through these things if we can’t turn it into something that’s positive?" he asks, then emphasizes, "I want to help people, young men and women."
Ron now focuses on raising awareness about MST and supporting other survivors. His mission is clear: prevent the next generation of service members from experiencing the same trauma. Being silent for decades was survival in a system that punishes vulnerability. Talking openly on social media about his experience so others don't have to suffer in isolation, which results in receiving messages from people encouraged by his vulnerability to seek help.
Frequently Asked Questions about Military Sexual Trauma and Male Survivors
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About 1 in 50 male veterans report military sexual trauma (VA National Center for PTSD), but studies using anonymous survey methodology found rates as high as 12.4% (Trauma, Violence & Abuse, 2011). The gap between reported and actual incidents reveals massive underreporting. Because of the higher ratio of men to women in the military, the raw numbers of men and women who experience MST are comparable, challenging the misconception that MST primarily affects women.
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About 90% of men in the military did not report a sexual assault they experienced in 2021 (DAV). Overall, it's estimated that 77% of service member sexual assaults go unreported. Male survivors often worry that others will perceive the assault as weakness, femininity, or homosexual orientation. These cultural barriers, combined with fear of retaliation and career damage, make it especially difficult for male survivors to come forward.
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MST survivors are 7.25 times more likely to be diagnosed with PTSD than those who did not experience sexual trauma (Columbia Social Work Review). The severity of PTSD from MST is extreme. This is because MST involves betrayal by trusted colleagues within a system meant to provide safety, creating compounded trauma that requires specialized treatment.
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From 2011 to 2021, the total number of MST claims filed by men increased by more than 119%. The number of claims granted by the VA grew from 27.8% in 2011 to 68.5% in 2021 (VA Claims Insider). This shows significant progress, though it also reveals how many survivors had to fight for recognition and validation of their trauma.
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Roughly 17 veterans die by suicide each day (VA Mental Health), and military sexual trauma puts veterans at significantly higher risk. MST survivors face compounded trauma that requires specialized support. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call the Veterans Crisis Line at 988, then press 1.
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Recent studies show that 60% of veterans with severe treatment-resistant depression who received psilocybin treatment met response criteria at three weeks. The VA announced funding for MDMA and psilocybin-assisted therapy studies in 2024, marking the first time since the 1960s that the VA has funded research on psychedelic compounds. Nine VA facilities are now participating in these studies.
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No. You don't need a service-connected disability rating or other VA benefits to receive MST-related care. Every VA facility has an MST coordinator available to help survivors access treatment and support. Call your local VA or visit www.va.gov to connect with an MST coordinator.
Episode Trigger Warnings and Timestamps
00:00 VA Disability Claim and Possible Patterns of Abuse
Triggering content 2:57 - 4:38 (suicide + MST statistics)
06:28 Breaking Down at the VA and Confronting Buried Trauma
Triggering content 6:51 - 10:59 (Suicidal ideations, breakdown, remembering his repressed trauma)
11:08 Ron’s Beginning Different Modalities of Therapy
14:20 Ron’s Conversation with God
19:48 The Relationship Between Technology, Connection, and Accountability
23:30 Preview of Part 3 of Ron’s Story
Resources from this Episode
Resources for Survivors
If you or someone you know is struggling with military sexual trauma, resources are available. For additional support navigating VA claims, download our free VA Disability Toolkit.
VA MST Support: Every VA facility has an MST coordinator. You don't need a service-connected disability rating or other VA benefits to receive MST-related care. Call your local VA or visit www.va.gov to connect with an MST coordinator.
Veterans Crisis Line: Call 988, then press 1. Available 24/7 for veterans in crisis. You can also text 838255 or chat online at VeteransCrisisLine.net.
Military OneSource: Offers confidential counseling and support for active-duty service members and their families. Call 800-342-9647 or visit MilitaryOneSource.mil
The Advocates of MST: By joining The Advocates, you add to a powerful collective voice that demands attention and action. Connect with others who understand your experiences and are committed to supporting each other. Find support at https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadvocatesofmst
Watch or Listen to Ron's Full Story
You can hear Part 2 of my interview with Ron Carter on The Silenced Voices of MST podcast available on all major podcast platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. We dive deeper into his experience with the VA, his therapeutic journey, and his current advocacy work. If you haven't already, listen to Part 1 of Ron's story where he shares his assault experience and the years of undiagnosed PTSD that followed.
Healing is the end goal of military sexual trauma. You’re not alone, and you can explore more survivor stories and resources on our blog.
About the Guest
Ron Carter is a former Army infantryman turned MST advocate. After surviving a premeditated and devastating assault while on active duty, he committed himself to supporting others who have been affected. Through speaking engagements and community work, Ron pushes for better resources and policy change and uses his platform to amplify survivor voices.
About the Host
Rachelle Smith is the host of The Silenced Voices of MST and a survivor of military sexual trauma. She served as a Public Affairs Officer in the Air Force after growing up in a military family. Her experience with MST and the years spent struggling with PTSD and depression gave her a unique understanding of what survivors face.
This podcast exists because she knew firsthand how isolating MST can be. Since launching The Silenced Voices of MST in 2023, she’s interviewed dozens of survivors, advocates, and experts. Her mission is to empower survivors by providing a space to amplify survivor stories and demand change.
Help Keep This Podcast Going
I've been funding this podcast entirely on my own since 2023, and it hasn’t been easy. If this work has helped you or someone you care about, please consider supporting it with a monthly donation. Even $10 a month makes a real difference in covering hosting, editing, and production costs.
Military Sexual Trauma and The Monster Inside of Me: Ron Carter (Part 1) | The Silenced Voices of MST with Rachelle Smith
Military Sexual Trauma survivor Ron Carter appears on The Silenced Voices of MST to share the experiences that shaped his early service, the assault he endured, and the long-term effects that developed when the trauma went unrecognized. This interview begins a three-part series that follows his path from enlistment through MST, behavioral collapse, and his eventual understanding of PTSD outside of combat contexts. His story offers clear insight into how MST develops within military structures and how untreated trauma influences thinking, memory, relationships, and emotional regulation over decades.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter discusses Military Sexual Trauma, suffering from repressed pain, and survival on The Silenced Voices of MST.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter brings his story of Military Sexual Trauma to The Silenced Voices of MST. As the author of The Monster Inside of Me, Ron details his experience of assault, the devastating toll of silence, and the heavy price of betrayal within the system.
Ron Carter appears on The Silenced Voices of MST to share the experiences that shaped his early service, the assault he endured, and the long-term effects that developed when the trauma went unrecognized. This interview begins a three-part series that follows his path from enlistment through MST, behavioral collapse, and his eventual understanding of PTSD outside of combat contexts. His account offers clear insight into how MST develops within military structures and how untreated trauma influences thinking, memory, relationships, and emotional regulation over decades.
His Path to The Army
Ron grew up in a small town in Oregon where financial constraints made college unrealistic. He chose the Army at seventeen and entered the delayed entry program with his best friend, believing service would provide structure, stability, and a clear direction for becoming a mature adult.
Basic training introduced him to disciplined routines, intense physical demands, cultural diversity, and a level of pressure he had not experienced before. Although he passed out on his first day due to the heat, he recovered and progressed with strong performance. By excelling in physical training, Ron gained respect with some drill sergeants, and completed airborne school after graduating. These accomplishments were steps toward a promising military career.
When Ron and his friend received their orders they expected to serve together but were separated on arrival in Germany. This unexpected change intensified Ron’s sense of isolation. The unfamiliar environment, distance from home, and sudden loss of his support system made the adjustment difficult.
What Led to His Assault (Trigger Warning)
“As parents, we’re trusting our children to the United States of America. That should really mean something.”
Being stationed in Germany introduced Ron to culture shock and his first real experience of distance from home at 19 years old. He enjoyed the physical demands of fieldwork but disliked the constant emphasis on garrison expectations. During this period, he noticed hostile behavior from a higher ranking soldier in a different platoon, although he did not understand the cause.
The situation escalated when the platoon sergeant invited Ron and another private to what was presented as a simple gathering at his home. Ron wanted to behave respectfully and show he was a good guy, so he agreed to be there. Almost immediately after consuming a beer, he experienced sudden physical impairment and lost consciousness. He regained awareness during an assault, lost consciousness again, and later found himself back in the barracks. An aspect of his assault that sticks with him today is that he had no memory of how he had returned and never saw the other men involved again.
Ron had no way to describe what was done to him that day which contributed significantly to his confusion, aggressive behavior, and distress.
Help us continue amplifying voices of Military Sexual Trauma survivors.
Immediate Impact After the Assault
The trauma produced abrupt behavioral and emotional changes. Ron began drinking heavily, smoking hash, and getting into fights resulting in receiving multiple Article 15s. Finding himself unable to regulate his reactions, experiencing intrusive thoughts, night terrors, and unpredictable anger, Ron relied on his survival instinct to make it through daily life. Hyper-vigilance became constant, yet he did not understand why he felt disconnected from his own behavior.
U.S. Army veteran Ron Carter speaks out about Military Sexual Trauma, living in silence, and the lifelong journey to healing.
He interpreted his reactions as personal failure because no one ever explained trauma, dissociation, or survival responses in the mid-80’s. Without any knowledge of mental health, his behavior and internal chaos reinforced the shame he carried and made it increasingly difficult to function in a high-pressure environment.
The Long-Term Effects on Thought, Behavior, and Identity
Ron shares that he lived with these symptoms for many years without understanding their source. The missing modern-day understanding of post-traumatic stress led to the assumption that the volatility, emotional distance, and reactivity he experienced reflected deep flaws in his character. Trying to suppress memories intensified their impact on his relationships, jobs, and at times his will to live.
Only later did he learn the language of trauma, emotional processing, and PTSD. He discovered that trauma can alter memory, disrupt emotional regulation, and create long-standing patterns of hypervigilance and mistrust. This allowed him to reinterpret his symptoms with clarity and accuracy.
PTSD is not only caused by combat experiences, which is something Ron learned and wants people to know. Understanding this reshaped his perception of himself, his past, and helped him identify the years of untreated trauma.
Ron’s Work Now
By sharing his story publicly, Ron’s goal is to increase awareness of MST so that parents and young people considering joining the military understand the reality of what serving can look like. His work includes advocacy, community engagement, and contributing to public education about trauma and its effects. An important aspect of his mission to help is getting survivors access to information that was unavailable during his service.
If this podcast has helped you understand what survivors are up against, leave a review. Reviews are one of the only ways these stories reach people who would otherwise never hear them.
Episode Trigger Warnings and Timestamps
00:00 Introduction to Ron Carter's Journey
02:08 Deciding to Join the Military
04:53 Basic Training Experience
07:09 Transitioning to Military Life in Germany
09:18 The Reality of Military Culture
11:06 Experiencing MST and Its Impact
Triggering content from 12:55 - 25:48 that includes discussion of being drugged, sexual assault, loss of conciousness and memory, physical assault, coerced sexual acts, and blackmail
13:31 The Aftermath of Trauma
15:45 Coping Mechanisms and Struggles
18:36 The Long Road to Healing
23:55 Understanding PTSD Beyond Combat
25:56 Part 2 of Ron’s Story Preview
Resources from this Episode
Support and Community:
Veterans Crisis line: Dial 988, the press 1
DoD Safe Helpline: https://www.sapr.mil/dod-safe-helpline
Join our Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadvocatesofmst
About the Guest
Ron Carter is a former Army infantryman turned MST advocate. After surviving a premeditated and devastating assault while on active duty, he committed himself to supporting others who have been affected. Through speaking engagements and community work, Ron pushes for better resources and policy change and uses his platform to amplify survivor voices.
Military Sexual Trauma — I Was Told to Get Over It
A former U.S. Air Force veteran shares her firsthand account of harassment, retaliation, and Military Sexual Trauma within the ranks. Her story reveals how systemic failures and abusive leadership drive survivors into silence, and how writing became her path to recovery. Read this guest post on The Silenced Voices of MST to understand the hidden cost of Military Sexual Trauma and what accountability must look like inside the armed forces.
Guest Post: Rhea Nocturne shares the experience of being a woman in the Air Force.
In this guest post, a former Airman shares how years of ignored warnings, harassment, and retaliation broke her spirit long before she ever left the service. Her story exposes how leadership weaponized indifference and called it discipline.
To some, it may come as a surprise, but I didn’t join the military out of patriotic duty. Like many others, I joined to escape — from hardship, from abuse — and to use it as a stepping stone toward a better life.
To my dismay, I was thrown into another cycle of abuse — this time at the hands of multiple people, within a system that too often protects the wrong ones.
I entered the military like everyone else: greeted by the yelling of MTIs. But I wasn’t fazed. My father had been a wannabe MTI himself, so to me, it felt like just another game of survival. During that time, I discovered something genuine: a sense of sisterhood. We were determined to prove — not just to leadership but to ourselves — that we were more than capable. The female MTIs were by far the toughest, and we had to be tougher. We had to outperform the men in every aspect.
I was even told by some of my fellow Airmen that I came across as “intimidating.” I took that as a compliment — a reflection of the discipline and strength BMT instilled in me.
At my first duty station, I met some incredible people who I still consider family to this day. But I also came face-to-face with the darker realities of military culture. And while I now understand the importance of holding on to the good, I can’t deny the damage the bad left behind.
When Harassment Became Normal
There was a male airman on our dorm floor who would stand at his door and watch every time a woman walked by. The moment he heard female voices — or even heels — he would run to his peephole, then crack his door open to stare. It was unsettling. A reminder that, even in uniform, we weren’t safe from predatory behavior.
Another time, a male roommate — a friend of my boyfriend at the time — slashed my tires on multiple occasions. I reported it to leadership, but was told that because it happened off-base, there was nothing they could do. It wasn’t until the third incident — which included slashing my boyfriend’s tires — that they finally stepped in. Even then, they did the bare minimum: he was ordered to pay restitution and attend anger management.
Years later, that same man was arrested for stealing from a commander’s office. This was after already being caught breaking into the BX while deployed and mailing stolen Xboxes home. And yet, he was allowed to continue his career far longer than he ever should have.
I once had an airfield manager tell me point-blank that women shouldn’t be allowed to deploy. His reasoning? That when women “hang out” with men downrange, it sends the wrong message, and it’s the men who get in trouble. He even told me about his own situation — claiming he was wrongly accused and that it was the woman’s fault for being around him.
Not long after that, I was sent on a last-minute deployment. To say I was scared would be an understatement.
The conditions were harsh — hot, chaotic, and foul-smelling. During the in-brief, the women were pulled aside and told to walk in groups due to a rise in sexual assaults. We were warned that many of the men on base had just returned from traumatic areas and “weren’t right in the head.” The message was clear: for our safety, stay together. Don’t walk alone.
That was the military’s version of protection — placing the responsibility on women to prevent being assaulted, instead of addressing the problem at its source.
Later during that deployment, my new airfield manager — a good man — informed me that he had to request special permission from the Qatari airfield leadership for me to be there. They approved it, but under strict guidelines: I could attend inspections, but only if I sat in the back, didn’t drive, and avoided eye contact or conversation with them.
One moment sticks with me. The Qatari team came by to ask for a radio. I placed it on the counter in front of them, and one of the men looked at me with disgust — as if to say, “How dare you?” He then turned to my male coworker, who picked up the radio and handed it to him directly. Only then did the man accept it.
“I didn’t speak up — out of fear that I would be dismissed, mocked, or labeled dramatic.”
I trusted my airfield manager, but there was nothing he could do to stop how I was being treated. And I didn’t speak up — out of fear that I would be dismissed, mocked, or labeled dramatic.
Two men from the weather unit were also openly hostile. One told me he wanted to “hypnotize” me — a comment that deeply unsettled me, and asked on more than one occasion. The other would interrupt me in casual conversations and say loudly, “Did I ask you? No. Go make me a sandwich.” It was a very isolating six months. I fell into depression.
Retaliation in Uniform
My next duty station at the Air Force Academy made the previous two feel like a cakewalk. Both supervisors wrote me up multiple times — for not smiling. One even introduced me to the acronym HALT: “When you come into work, ask yourself — are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?”
And yes — I was angry. And rightfully so.
Still, I tried to push through. I knew my value. I was a 5-star Airman. My performance, my awards, my record — all of it reflected someone committed to service. If I had the right leadership, I could’ve stayed the full 20 and made Chief. I know that in my heart.
But I didn’t have the right leadership. I had people who broke me down.
At the Air Force Academy, it got worse. I don’t speak to anyone from that shop now — maybe one or two. I can’t even drive by the airfield or the South Gate without a pit forming in my stomach.
At one point, I disclosed to leadership that I was receiving mental health support. I wasn’t ready to share the full story, but I needed space. Instead of support, I was met with anger. My first airfield manager at USAFA took it personally, accused me of not trusting him, verbally berated me, and even threw a pen across the room during the conversation.
Later, I was marked non-deployable due to a dog attack. A male coworker had to deploy in my place. He lashed out at me — publicly — yelling in front of the entire office. He made the workplace hostile and unsafe.
I raised concerns, but leadership told me to “let him feel his feelings” and to “stay out of his way.”
Pin it: A story of betrayal, survival, and finding strength after Military Sexual Trauma
This same man had access to my home address through the recall roster. I lived in fear he might show up — especially because he had previously been arrested for physically assaulting a woman, charges that were only dropped because the victim couldn’t remember the night. One of my male coworkers even expressed concern for my safety in private, telling me he was worried about the level of anger this man showed, and continued to show, toward me.
When a new airfield manager took over, he ignored everything and told us to “just get over it.” He forced me to work shifts alone with the same man I feared. He disregarded my safety completely. This hostility lasted for about a year. Meanwhile, after coming back from the deployment, that same man was awarded a medal for “sacrificing” to go in my place — and then received orders to England as a reward.
That same airfield manager even questioned why the women in our unit — including young female Airmen and a civilian — were hesitant to enter the fire department at our auxiliary airfield alone. That airfield was isolated — over an hour away from our main unit, with spotty cell service and bullet holes in the stop sign at the entrance. It didn’t feel safe. The women explained that walking into that building — a space clearly designed for and occupied by men — felt more like entering someone’s private dorm room than a shared workspace. But instead of listening or trying to understand, he brushed it off, saying, “Well, you just need to get over whatever you need to get over.”
That moment broke me — not because of what it meant for me, but because I knew firsthand what it feels like when a man in a leadership position dismisses a woman’s concerns about safety. I remembered what it did to me the first time it happened as a young Airman. I couldn’t stand by and watch my young female Airmen go through the same thing. So, I sent him an email — not to accuse anyone — but to explain why women take precautions in isolated environments. It wasn’t about blame. It was about awareness.
Later that night, I found out he’d read my email aloud, laughed, tore it up, and said, “I don’t care.” A week passed before I had to address him, because he would not address it himself. When I finally brought it up, he said, “Thanks for your contribution, but it’s not enough for me to fight for our own space out there.” He asked if anything had happened, and I said no. He replied, “You’re wrong for making assumptions about two men in the fire department.”
I was told about his behavior after the email by my young female troop, a month later. I reacted. I went to my mental health counselor and demanded to be removed from the office. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had reached my breaking point.
My commander got involved. The airfield manager was ordered to complete a month of Sexual Assault Awareness training. He requested to apologize to me, and I agreed — on the condition that my commander attend the meeting.
Good thing he did. There was no apology. Instead, the airfield manager used that moment to berate me again — in front of our commander. When the meeting ended, my commander apologized to me privately, out in the hallway.
But that was never the point.
The point is that women in uniform are forced to live in a constant state of risk assessment. Because when something does happen, we’re blamed. We’re doubted. We’re told to get over it.
And this doesn’t even begin to cover the sexual assaults and harassment I endured — experiences I never reported, because I saw how leadership had handled everything else.
My Breaking Point
After six months of retaliation from that airfield manager for standing up — and maybe I didn’t react in the “perfect” way — I broke. I had spent years trying to keep it together in a system that refused to protect or believe me.
That summer, I voluntarily admitted myself to outpatient treatment at a local mental health hospital. I needed help. I wanted to be better. I started trauma-focused therapy for MST, and I started writing Bootstrap Girl. Because writing it down was the only way I could begin to speak.
When I returned to work, the shop had moved on without me. Even the women I had tried to advocate for now avoided me and even talked openly about their disgust for me.
And all of this — everything I’ve shared — still doesn’t include the three sexual assaults I survived while in uniform.
How I Found My Voice
I don’t share this story for sympathy. I share it because there are countless others like me — still in the military, still in silence. I found my voice through writing. Bootstrap Girl became my outlet, my healing, and my way of reclaiming what was taken from me. I’m no longer afraid to be honest about what happened. If my story helps even one person feel less alone or more empowered to speak — then it was worth every word.
© 2025 Rhea Nocturne. Bootstrap Girl and all related content are part of an original work in progress. All rights reserved. This piece was written under the pen name Rhea Nocturne to protect the author’s privacy. The copyright is held under the author's legal name.